The Zack Morris Dating Guide to Keeping It Casual
Back in the late ’80s and early ’90s, there was a Saved by the Bell player who taught us the basics of pickup artistry. His name was Zack Morris and he was a complete piece of shit (but we loved him anyway). His methods, although unethical, were effective as hell. He always managed to always get his way thanks to his basic manipulations and frosted tips. This OG pickup artist likely inspired the culture that eventually evolved into swiping culture. But we’re not here to rip on anything regarding Bayside High. Morris was a god amongst men who wanted nothing more than effortless seduction and was willing to say to get to the promised land. If you’re looking for a few shortcuts in the world of sex and romance, let us wow you with a comprehensive list from the Zack Attack.
Be an Asshole
There's an 10th circle of hell no one ever tells you about and that's the one run by Zack Morris. Women love assholes. Not because assholes are great, but because women think they can save an asshole with the power of their love. If you're going to start doing things like Morris, always choose to behave like a fucking asshole, but say you love trouble like it's a personality flaw and not that you're a monster.
Neg Everyone and Call It Advice
Wanna see people come back to you over and over again without fail? Point out their flaws. Morris does this again and again, and not just to the girls. He does it to literally everyone in his orbit and they return to him for the worst advice on the planet. This works wonders with ladies. Simply point out their "flaws," offer a solution that's too difficult to execute, and then act like you love them anyway. They'll be in for life.
When In Doubt, Become the Victim
No matter how you put it, Zack Morris was a lying piece of shit. Not that there's anything wrong with this. Many people suffer from sociopathy and function normally in society. But Morris is different. Whenever he was in a pinch and failed to lie his way out of it, he'd just pivot into victim mode. It's not that he has a date with two girls on the same day and time, but that they figured it out. Poor Morris and his broken heart. If only you were smart enough to pull this off.
Commit to the Bit
Women will ask you for things you refuse to give, like monogamy. In the ways of Zack Morris, you'll agree and then do whatever the fuck you want. She wants a ring, give her a ring. The symbol means something to her and will shut her up. Meanwhile, that camping trip with the boys that's coming up is really a vacation with one of your other girlfriends.
Get Yourself a Die-Hard Wingman
In order to make all your lies believable, you're going to have to have a compatriot to back up all your bullshit. This epic wingman should be mostly loyal. We say "mostly" because he also has to be a liar, which means he will lie to you to fuck the girl you like. And that's just the way it has to be if you're a piece of shit like Morris.
Lie to Everyone, Everywhere
This one goes without saying. If you're going to date like Zack Morris, reality is your bitch.
Smile and Be a Nice Guy
Most importantly, you've got to sell how much of a nice guy you are. So you should look and smell good while pretending to give a fuck. If you can't run this small-time con constantly, you'll never be able to date like our pal Morris.
In what ways did Zack Morris influence your dating style? Let us know in the comments!