This ‘Realistic Popeye’ Doll Is Terrifying

Photo: Turner Entertainment

Great news, kids. For just 80 bucks, you can purchase something that will give you nightmares for the rest of your life.

Photo: Mezco

According to Gizmodo, the gang at Mezco came up with “Realistic Popeye,” an action-figure that comes with swappable hats and clothing as well as “pipes in various stages of being smoked and not one, but two cans of spinach: crushed and uncrushed.” While on the surface, that sounds pretty cool for even just an average Popeye fan, the realness factor of this fucking thing is what will throw you for a loop.

Photo: Mezco

Now I stared at this thing for 13 minutes trying to come up with a few sentences to describe just how creepy it is, but truth be told, it’s impossible to sum it up better than James Whitbrook at Gizmodo did:

“The gurning face sculpt is both incredible and awful at the same time, but really, it’s the arms that are the most disconcerting aspect of this whole thing. Trying to put the unrealistic proportions of a spinached-up Popeye into something trying to resemble an actual human being is eerie as hell. Especially with the bizarrely detailed flesh tone all over them. These forearms are just downright haunting.”

Photo: Mezco

Of course, saying that it looks like Dolph Lundgren having a stroke also would have done the trick.

If you’re not creeped the hell out by it, you can your hands on this bad boy if you’re that eager. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you, bro.