Micro-Cheating Is the Hip New, Almost OK But Not OK, Way To Cheat
Photo: AntonioGuillem (Getty)
In a world of micro-living, micro-apartments and microwaves, it only makes sense that micro-cheating would be a thing. It’s the almost OK, but not OK way to cheat.
By our definition, which tends to vary from most failed love know-it-all bloggers, is any action, big or small, that may imply infidelity in which physical contact is not involved but isn’t necessary to be deemed inappropriate (i.e. dick pic murals). In this way, the person may feel they’re not cheating if they’re not having sex with someone other than their significant other, but if you were to ask them to share their sneaky tendencies, they’d likely get a nervous twitch in their eye.
Although most of it is sneaky social media scandal, there’s plenty of blame to go around (we’re looking at you, yoga bums). Here are 10 of the top ways men and women tend to micro-cheat.
Micro-Cheating Is the Hip New, Almost OK But Not OK, Way to Cheat
Dick Pics, Collages, Murals or Otherwise.
It’s been a thing for as long as we care to remember, the sending and receiving of unsolicited peen pictures. If it’s not to or from the person you’re routinely canoodling with, even if it’s dirty/panty talk, it’s still wrong. That’s dirty/panty, not dirty panty, to be clear.
Wham, Bam, Instagram.
Likes, comments, follows, messages, you name it. If you’re sending them, thinking it’s OK because you’re not in the same room, it’s almost worse.
F-Buddies (Facebook) for Life.
It’s for life, these friendships. If you find yourself messaging, liking and dropping emojis where they don’t belong, that’s probably an underhanded way of saying you’d like to put other things where they don’t belong.
Staying on Dating Apps (Even If They’re Off Your Phone).
Ta-da! Keeping appearances in the dating world, as if you’ll slide right back in, should your relationship end, is an all-too-common way people keep one foot out the door.
Texting in Their Presence With Somebody You Know You Shouldn’t.
Not being present is bad enough to be micro-cheating, but if you’re so not present that you’re texting somebody you shouldn’t be when you’re in the company of the one you should be, then you, my friend, are a micro-cheating bastard.
Relax on the spandex. If you’re going to yoga just to flirt and stare at asses other than the one you should be slapping, then you, my friend, are micro-cheating. If you go to a trainer because you find them attractive, climb tandem with somebody you’d like to bump beauties with or if you do physical, sweaty exercises involving everything but the love juices with someone you’re into, then you’re in the danger zone. Go do yoga with Olga the Oracle and her 13 cats.
Tweeting at Someone When You’re With Someone.
Tweeting is for dorks, unless you’re using your Twitter powers for good rather than evil. The end.
Sneaky Snapchat Screengrabs (And Other Filthy Alliterations).
Ret-roh. Everyone knows a screengrab, whether you’re unavailable or not, is a bold move. It says, “Hey, I’m taking this fleeting photo and I don’t care who knows it.” Let’s be honest, most of the scandalous short-term videos are there because they want to see who really appreciates it (and who’s a definite creep).
Guest Rooming With a Hot Airbnb Host.
OK, that’s a stretch, but it could be a trend just waiting to happen: People taking their Airbnb host home without them even knowing it. It’s just about underhanded enough to be macro-cheating.
Just Thinking About Cheating Is Probably Micro-Cheating in a Way.
You said it, Billy. You’ve been warned. Now go out there and be a better, committed, non-micro-cheater. That, or get out now before you hurt someone. This concludes our unlicensed advice for the day. Thank you, and goodnight.