10 Tips For Ultimate Bro Confidence

Beards. Photo: Simon McGill (Getty).

Sometimes it seems like all of life is a struggle between insecurity and confidence. When you’re insecure, nothing gets done. When you go the way of confidence, nothing is impossible. Well, some things are still impossible — like doing crunches. If you’re into self-help, help yourself to these 10 proven confidence tips to make you the ultimate bro, while remaining far from basic.

1. Ignore the “Spotlight Effect”

According to Psychology Today, “The Spotlight Effect refers to the tendency to think that more people notice something about you than they do.” No one at work notices that you spent the previous evening eating Häagen-Dazs and furiously browsing PornHub the night before. So don’t act like you’re keeping a hideous secret. It will kill your confidence.

In a sense, confidence can be measured by one’s capacity to notice that no one notices much. One of the greatest causes of insecurity is thinking the world is watching you when they’re not. Don’t be such an egocentric ass. And change your dress shirt, because that coffee stain makes you look like a slob.

2. Overcome “Impostor Syndrome”

Have you ever dreaded going home for Christmas and being asked what you do for a living? You’re terrified you will be exposed as a fraud; a do-knowing, know-nothing, economically unviable piece of garbage who browses Facebook during office hours and contributes zilch to your company. This is the Impostor Syndrome.

Realize that we’re all to some degree fraudulent. Flaunt it. Act like your Systems Administrator position greases the wheels of your booming startup and doesn’t involve sitting there with a thumb up your ass eight hours a day waiting for some social media major to ask you to fix her Google Chat. Pretend like you love it and it’s the most important job on planet Earth — no one will tell the difference. Nor will they care.

3. Bravery Comes from Doing Brave Things

Simple. A bearded man named Aristotle once said, “Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” Basically, we become what we are through action.

Ask yourself why you’re shaking in your boots like a small child at the prospect of talking to that girl at the end of the bar. If you want to overcome your fear, just do it. The more you do it, the bigger your testicles will become. Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous advice, “Do one thing every day that scares you,” follows the same principle. Eleanor had humongous cojones.

4. Refrain from the Bernie Sanders Hunch

In the same way that smiling in front of the mirror in the morning like a creep makes you happier, standing straight with your shoulders down and back makes you feel more confident. It’s a psychical placebo that countless sources rave about as a cure to feeling unsure. Even across species, such as the ape, an upright, confident pose exudes power and even builds confidence. An Ohio State University study supported this suggestion by concluding that “our posture can also effect how we think about ourselves.”

5. Wink at an Unappealing Lass

“If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.” Famous American writer H.L. Mencken wrote this right before he bit the dust. In addition to pleasing his ghost, it will be a ray of sunshine to a homely girl in need. It will also make you feel better about yourself.

Don’t reserve your charm and attention for pretty girls, because that’s just lame. Spread it around, because as Paul McCartney said, the more you give the more you get. How does this factor into confidence building? By thinking of yourself as a good person — and there’s no higher calling than winking at a less than attractive female, or many — you will stand taller and refrain from the Bernie hunch.

Also: 13 Alcoholic Beverages And Their Personality Types

6. Buy a Gym Membership and a New Wardrobe

Suffice it to say, this is bro advice. But do you truly know anyone more confident than a bro? Bros drink whey, bench stuff, and wear pink polos. If you’re man enough to wear a pink polo with a popped collar, you surely won’t get anything out of this article you don’t already know.

7. Say F–k It

Never miss a chance to say f–k it. Too scared to go on a roller coaster? F–k it. Too nervous to give a huge presentation at work? F–k it. Too Christian to use swear words? Fuck it. As those American dinghies hit the Normandy sand on D-Day, I like to think that our troops were uttering those two words to each other. No turning back. So fuck it. In a sense, “fuck it” won WW2. It also leveled Hiroshima and Nagasaki, so be careful where you apply it.

8. There Will Always Be Someone Smarter, Richer, and Better Looking Than You

Socrates said envy is the ulcer of the soul. It’s a poisonous emotion. There will come a time in your life, and it’s probably already happened, where you will come down with such heart-wrenching jealousy and envy, that you think you’ll never recover. Just remember that you’re one in seven billion, and no one has it all. The only thing you have in your arsenal at all times when everything else seems lost is your optimistic spirit. Never let it go.

9. Use the Snapchat Filter

And post that shit on Facebook. Alternatively, Photoshop yourself like a goddamn Kardashian. You might think this is superficial, but think not. If you’ve ever had a flabby, bloated picture of yourself floating around in cyberspace, you know the feeling of dread. You can use the “fuck it” technique to battle this, or participate in the war of positive self-imagery that consumes our daily social-media-laden lives. Give them something to be envious about.

10. Remember Walt Disney

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four Cs. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” – Walt Disney

And if those tips don’t work out, you can always give these a try: 15 Psychological Mind Tricks For A-Holes