The Most Entertaining Chipotle Yelp Reviews We Could Find

Photo: Caiaimage/Sam Edwards (Getty)

There are some things we all know to be true about our neighborhood Chipotle restaurant. These things are: a) you’ll never find a seat there, b) the menu items are more expensive then you’d like them to be, c) charging extra for guacamole is complete bullshit, and d) when you’re drunk or nursing a massive hangover, there’s nothing more satisfying than destroying a massive, poorly wrapped chicken burrito shoveled with mediocre rice and with everything on it.

However, some odd Chipotle similarities revealed themselves as I searched through the user-generated hilarity that is Yelp. These were a) “bigger” people are served bigger portions, b) “burrito juice” is an established noun, and c) the Chipotle restaurants in Baltimore have been deemed “the worst” in the country. After riffling through hundreds of Chipotle Yelp reviews, the following proved to be the truest (and funniest) reviews of the bunch.

The Most Entertaining Chipotle Yelp Reviews We Could Find

1. On authenticity:
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2. Fighting fire with fire:

3. Bathroom scripture:

4. A lesson in burrito making:

5. It’s not rocket science

6. Evidence of minimum wage:

7. Mission statement:

8. Thumbs up for soft drinks:

9. Tough shit:

10. “Mexican” standoff:

11. It’s not theft, it’s being frugal:

12. Gentrification:

13. It’s complicated:

14. Prison bait: