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Olivia Munn is like Jeremy Lin because they’re both novelty Asians but instead of delusional New York Knicks’ fans, she’s rode the wave of fame on dork gamers’ backs and dudes who think she walks around naked in her house with a Hello Kitty backpack. That being said, the Internet and my inbox almost imploded on themselves last week, when alleged nude pics of Olivia Munn hit online (some dude is still emailing me btw refusing to move on. let’s move on). They were almost immediately proved to be fakes, but since Munn thinks she’s funny, she had to write a letter to her fans.
March 9, 2012
Dear Everyone at “The Babymakers” SXSW screening:
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you all. I’m currently in Sierra Leone helping build wells for the thirsty. I thought I’d have time to stop through Austin on my way here, but I was detoured when I saw two beached seals on the Gulf near South Padre and used all of my strength, sweat and tears to pull them back into the water and save their lives. (NOTE to JAY- Hold for applause and gasps. About 2 solid minutes…)
So, I come to you only in this letter, by way of my director of “The Babymakers” Jay Chandra-shay… shay- Jay Chandra-something. It’s hard for me to sit here with these small, dysentery-ridden children and know that I cannot be there, with all of you wonderful friends and supporters, for my SXSW Hollywood movie premiere. I must end this letter short, as I’m on my way to Seoul, Korea to speak with the starving children who have been denied food by their country and educate them on a motto that I have personally lived by and think will give them some hope: Thinner is Better. I pray this letter finds you well and God keeps you safe. Oh, and one last thing- Some of those pictures weren’t even me. I mean, you can’t even see my penis… and it’s pretty big for an Asian. Sheesh.
Til next we meet again…
Your Cable Television Darling (from the upcoming HBO Aaron Sorkin series, “The Newsroom”),
Haha, the fairly attractive girl says she has a penis! And that it’s pretty big for an Asian! Man, that can’t be true because Asian girls have tiny vaginas! (I think that’s what she wanted you to know).