I’m completely normal not weird at all obsession with Ashley Greene has been fully documented here, so imagine my surprise when I saw her pictures from the The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 This Is A Long Ass Fucking Title Jesus Christ premiere last night. Also imagine her surprise when she gets my letter and the mixtape I made. My secret? I sprayed a little Drakkar Noir on the letter and the mixtape is all R. Kelly. Awww yeah, baby! I’m heating things up!

Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.