The Emmys Were Last Night

Hollywood loves a good circle jerk, so here are some pictures from the 59th Annual Emmy Awards last night.

Science should really get off its ass and find a way to keep Christina Aguilera five months pregnant forever. Because, well, damn she’s stacked. Who cares about the baby? He can’t even hear what I’m saying anyway. Maybe he can. So what. That baby knows where to find me if he wants some.

Eva Longoria is so much better looking when she’s not talking, so I have to admit, she looks pretty good here. She looks like a little Latin fairy. And you rarely see that. Unless you’re a big Ricky Martin fan.

Katherine Heigl won last night for her role on Grey’s Anatomy. The role that mostly involves her whining and finding new ways to show up in a scene with just her bra on. Which is weird, because she isn’t all that hot. In fact, she’s not hot at all. I’m thinking about going as her for Halloween. Her or a shark. Sharks are pretty scary.

Rumer Willis is the last thing you’d hope for if you mixed Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. She looks like Jimmy Neutron. Seriously, what’s up with her head? Demi Moore’s vagina must have looked like a tire swing.