Here’s Heidi Klum today at a Germany’s Next Top Model photocall. No matter how close I zoom, Heidi is impossible to pick apart. Heidi Klum is my female equivalent of Jake Ryan. I melt when I see her and get a little unsteady and sick to my stomach just like I do with Jake. It’s disgusting how hot she is. And I seriously own that Jake Ryan t-shirt, by the way. Say what you will about Heidi’s husband, Seal, but any man who writes and sings songs like Waiting For You knows all the right buttons to push (rub, massage, tease, manipulate) on a woman. I’m not talking about all men who sing songs like this. Justin Timberlake may act like a suave little songbird, but I’m quite sure he spends most of his time in bed with women fumbling around and thinking about Duane “The Rock” Johnson in order to keep his dick hard.
Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.