USWNT Defeats Japan For World Cup! … But What’s With The Trophy?!

USA v Japan: Final - FIFA Women's World Cup 2015

The United States continues to be at the forefront of women’s soccer after the U.S. Women’s National Team claimed their third World Cup after a 5-2 victory over Japan Sunday in Vancouver, Canada.

What’s even better? Aside from the fact this is revenge from four years ago, It happened just one day after the 4th of July and mere days after this friggin’ picture was discovered of a crow riding a bald eagle. Patriotism hasn’t been this high since McDonald’s decided to offer the ‘Super Size Me.’ 

Just to recap, Carli Lloyd’s hat trick was the first in a women’s World Cup final. In case you need highlights, here ya go.

Also, Sunday’s game shattered TV ratings

SO this is amazing, right? Our girls. Our country. At the top of a sport loved world-wide. They conquered a tournament dozens — if not hundreds — of countries dream of winning. Our girls deserve the very best…

So what’s with the cup?

Not to be persnickety or ungrateful, but shouldn’t the cup be … bigger.

FIFA is without a doubt one of the world’s most corrupt organizations. Wouldn’t you think that with all that laundered money they could offer a more impressive trophy?

I mean, literally, every major sports championship trophy is incredibly more impressive. Let’s take a look. 

The Super Bowl Trophy (Vince Lombardi Trophy)

New England Patriots Victory Parade 

The World Series Trophy

World Series - San Francisco Giants v Kansas City Royals - Game Seven

The Stanley Cup

The Prestigious Stanley Cup Trophy Rides Las Vegas Best Attraction The High Roller Observation Wheel 550 feet Above The Las Vegas Strip At The LINQ Promenade

The NBA Finals’ Trophy (Larry O’Brien Trophy)


Sprint Cup Trophy

NASCAR Victory Lap & After The Lap

Wimbledon Trophies

Wimbledon Championships 2014 Winners Ball

Little League World Series Trophy


America’s Cup (yacht racing)

americas cup

This fantasy football trophy

fantasy football trophy

And again, the FIFA Women’s World Cup Trophy


And if you look at this FIFA fact sheet, it says the women’s World Cup trophy is currently under ‘redevelopment.’ It also says it weighs 1.8 kg, which is less than four pounds. Less than FOUR POUNDS!!

women's world cup

The FIFA U-17 Women’s World Cup is twice as heavy and a centimeter taller. What the hell?!

u 17


What’s funnier? Turns out the men’s World Cup trophy is just as bad, if not worse. 

Congratulations to our USWNT! We are incredibly proud!

Now, here’s hoping we can continue the progression of this so-called ‘re-development’ of the ‘World Cup.’



Josh Helmuth is the editor of CraveOnline Sports.

Photo Credit: Getty