The 14 Worst Films of 2013
This was perhaps inevitable. I've gone on record saying that 2013 was a superb year for motion pictures across the board, but that doesn't mean it wasn't also full of crappy films too. If anything, the worst films of 2013 are nearly as bad as the best films are exceptional, and my list of The 14 Worst Films of 2013 is sure enough filled with inert comedies, blockbuster misfires, underwritten thrillers and the just plain dull.
But here's the thing: a lot of the worst films of 2013 aren't just bad movies. In fact, some of them are actually very well made, but just because the storytelling is good doesn't mean that the actual story was worth telling. Films with disturbingly cruel messages about why corporations are more important than artists, bizarre insults to marginalized cultures, and even in one shocking case an ugly, misanthropic message about why bullying is a good thing are about to be listed off for you, and while it's been argued by no less than the late, great Roger Ebert that what a movie is about matters a lot less than how it is about it, I find that I may finally be getting too old, or I'd like think maybe too mature, to forgive celebrations of human cruelty that teach audiences to do malign others for no good reason are "just movies." Many of these movies were marketed to impressionable children, who deserve better and more positive movies that say at least slightly more meaningful things than "minorities are funny" and "rich men always know better than poor women with hard-earned opinions."
With that out of the way I would also like to explain how I went about ranking these, as what makes a film "bad" isn't necessarily the same as what makes a film hard to watch. As I looked over the veritable trough of terrible movies 2013 presented us, I ultimately decided that ranking them was less about which were inept, or even which were the most contemptible (the worst offender in that case scoots by with a paltry #9 spot). I decided that, in the end, I'd rather watch #14 on my list again then ever have to see my #13 as long as I live. And I'd rather watch #13 again than do the same with #12, and so on. Many of these movies hurt me, and I strongly advise you not to let them hurt you too.
So, without any further ado, here they are, my picks for The 14 Worst Films of 2013.