The Big List: 3 Girls Missing For 10 Years Rescued!

Time to get a genie, try to win the heart of a princess with magic, fail a couple times, take her on a romantic carpet ride, attempt to go too fast, die a horrible death, wake up in the afterlife where – after a long time – they finally get the internet, so you can check out these links!

 

Victims Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight Finally Escape After Years In Captivity – Meet Their Rescuer Charles Ramsey

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2320519/Amanda-Berry-Gina-DeJesus-Michele-Knight-Ohio-trio-went-missing-TEN-YEARS-ago-ALIVE.html

I guess you can never trust someone you listen to salsa music with.

 

“Gays Beware!” With George Takei

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/george-takei-psa-how-to-treat-anti-gay-marriage_n_3223073.html

Join the bow tie party, guy!

 

Rave Kids In The ‘90s Vs. Rave Kids Today

http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today

Suddenly, those glow sticks and backrubs seem so quaint.

 

The Scientifically Accurate Magic Carpet

http://cheezburger.com/7415091968

I can show you the wwwaaaaaaaahhhh

 

My Virginity Mistake

http://www.salon.com/2013/05/06/my_virginity_mistake/

‘Til sex do us part.

 

That’s all for this stark raving edition of The Big List.

 

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!

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