The Big List: 3 Girls Missing For 10 Years Rescued!

Time to get a genie, try to win the heart of a princess with magic, fail a couple times, take her on a romantic carpet ride, attempt to go too fast, die a horrible death, wake up in the afterlife where – after a long time – they finally get the internet, so you can check out these links!


Victims Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight Finally Escape After Years In Captivity – Meet Their Rescuer Charles Ramsey

I guess you can never trust someone you listen to salsa music with.


“Gays Beware!” With George Takei

Join the bow tie party, guy!


Rave Kids In The ‘90s Vs. Rave Kids Today

Suddenly, those glow sticks and backrubs seem so quaint.


The Scientifically Accurate Magic Carpet

I can show you the wwwaaaaaaaahhhh


My Virginity Mistake

‘Til sex do us part.


That’s all for this stark raving edition of The Big List.


Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!