Funniest Tweets of the Week 1-11-2019
Cover Photo: tostphoto (Getty Images). Cover Tweet: @MJMcKean
When a week ends, a collection of funniest tweets is born for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure.
Give our top tweets of the week a quick glance, enjoy a hearty laugh and then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
Crazy that every person in front of you at an ATM has never used an ATM before
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 11, 2019
we're evolving. https://t.co/ff0lbnYaLk
— Gabrielle Alexa Noel (@gabalexa) January 10, 2019
Was it the tapas? https://t.co/CcMFeK9UXR
— batkaren (@batkaren) January 11, 2019
I've never seen Sex & The City, but I'm assuming I'm a Blanche.
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) January 10, 2019
a fun way to freak out your parents is to tell them you dropped out of college this semester and when they start losing it say you're just kidding and just when they start to recover tell them you actually dropped out last semester but have that part be true
— hype (@TheHyyyype) January 11, 2019
me at 14: i can't wait to be 21
me at 21: ok that's enough
me at 22: *continuing to age* this is so unfair
— flappy 🐥 (@funflaps) January 9, 2019
LEAD ARCHAEOLOGIST: Okay, the bones are fragile, so we want to brush very gently and remember not to, say, put them in our mouths or anything.
DOG ARCHAEOLOGIST: I can tell you’re talking about me and that’s offensive.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 8, 2019
A handy chart pic.twitter.com/jRLsumEOjc
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) January 8, 2019
Am I awkward at flirting?
But does that stop me from doing it?
I like your skin. 😉
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) January 10, 2019
The only time I regret having 3 cats is fairly often.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 9, 2019
Today we are shooting our first test show in the new half hour format. In keeping with the 50% less theme, I will not be wearing pants
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 9, 2019
[first day as a billionaire] I have a coupon
— mo (@chuuew) January 10, 2019
Unfortunately bright eyes that burn like fire are one of the first symptoms of myxomatosis.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 22, 2012
Try F’n Chantix. pic.twitter.com/qBOJdy806e
— Kyle Dunnigan (@kyledunnigan) January 11, 2019