Florida Man Hid More Than $1,000 In Drug Money Up His Butt

Photo: Kameleon007 (Getty)

It’s not quite shitting a gold brick, but it’s pretty damn close.

According to the New York Daily News, a 26-year-old Florida man was pulled over by deputies with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office for speeding early Saturday morning, but it was the drug money that he tried to hide in his poop chute that has made the story go viral.

Police said they smelled weed when they approached Pattreon Stokes’s car, so they decided to search the vehicle to see if that was indeed the case. Well, not only did that search turn up a small amount of pot but also 197 grams of methamphetamine, rock cocaine, four grams of heroin, a small scale and a literally shit-ton of drug money.

We said “literally” because when police arrived at the Marion County Jail to book Stokes, the money was gone. Stokes allegedly tried to tell them that it had already been collected, but officers weren’t buying it.

So just where was the $1,090 in cash? You guessed it: Jammed up Stokes’s pooper.

“Detention deputies then noticed something quite unusual,” the Marion County Sheriff’s Office wrote on their Facebook page. “They observed $20.00 bills falling from Stokes’ buttocks area. After a necessary but undesirable process for everyone involved, MCSO Detention Deputies located $1,090.00 in U.S. currency hidden in Stokes’ rectum.”

Stokes was charged with smuggling contraband into a detention facility, trafficking methamphetamine, trafficking heroin, possession of cocaine with the intent to sell, manufacture or deliver, possession of marijuana and possession of drug equipment.

And that, kids, is why you never really put your money where your mouth is.

A thousand bucks in your ass sounds a tad safer than this: Tennessee Woman Caught With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina