10 Reasons You Got A Shitty Christmas Gift
Photo: Camrocker (Getty)
The holidays are here, and with that comes gift-giving, which is why people are running around trying their damnedest to get the best presents for others. Unfortunately, you just received one that happens to totally suck, and you may be wondering why you were just shamelessly handed this awful gift.
Below, check out ten reasons why you may have just gotten a shitty gift, and remember that it’s not the thought that counts, but how good or shitty the gift is that truly matters.
You were the reason someone went to Walgreens at 11 p.m.m on Christmas Eve. Someone probably felt they should get you a gift, but only cared enough to totally leave it to the last minute. Enjoy your shower radio, you sad fool.
Victim of Re-gifting
Looks like someone didn’t like their Tim McGraw cologne gift set from Kohl’s, so now it’s your problem. You’ll smell country fresh right into 2016, though.
Nobody Likes Your Political Views
After a night of drinking with your friends you casually mention that sometimes Donald Trump makes “good points.” Now everyone secretly hates you and that pair of socks you got are a big “fuck you.” Keep your feet warm when you go see that “big, beautiful wall.”
Guy Who Hates You Got You for “Secret Santa”
That’s the luck of the draw. Now the guy whose hate for you grows stronger and stronger every time you clear your throat has to get you a gift. He’s probably hoping that mug he got you shatters in your mouth.
You’re a Teacher
You thought it was a good idea to teach kids things they don’t care about and you’re paying for it dearly. Now a parent of one of your students decided to force their kids to bring you a dusty box of Whitman’s Chocolate that they found in a drawer. Hope you like stale chocolate as much as you like your low salary.
You Spoiled a Show for a Friend
Sure, it’s not your fault that your friend has a full-time job and two children and doesn’t have as much time as you do to watch television shows, but you’re still going to pay for it because you and your flapping gums broke your friendship. Enjoy your Blockbuster gift card, you monster.
You Have an Awful Gift-Giving Reputation
It’s true that you only get what you give, and since you’re the stingiest bastard on the planet, no one is going to go all out on you. Hope you get as much use out of that key finder you got as possible.
You’re Friends With a DIY Fanatic
Sometimes it pays to have rich friends, but since you’re never invited to parties featuring tons of millionaires, you have to deal with that friend who believes she has a successful “business” because she sells a handful of things on Etsy. I’m sure that pillow with your face sewn on it will suit your couch well.
You’re Impossible to Shop For
People are lazy and they don’t want to waste precious hours of the day trying to figure out what to get you because you never gave any indication of what you wanted. Since you have zero interests and your social media account bios are blank, you’re going to have to suffer the consequences and deal with your new ocean-scented candle.
You’re Only Worth a Clearance Shelf
Sorry, but someone dove into a Marshalls clearance shelf to get their Christmas shopping done and you happen to know that person. I hope that picture frame that came with a stock image of a happy white couple laughing over a joke you will never hear looks nice on your mantle.