There’s nothing the Internet loves more than cats and talking about how much they love staying in with their cats. Thankfully many of those people are hilarious and have written some very funny jokes about life with cats and kittens. Here are some of the best from some joke writers that you definitely need to check out immediately. Enjoy!
“someday this will all be yours” I tell my cat, waving my arms wildly at a few amazon boxes by the front door
— claudia martin (@cloudypianos) May 26, 2015
1. Take pictures of every cat in your neighborhood 2. Make missing cat posters with the pictures 3. Get all the cats
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) March 22, 2013
Just petted my cat so clumsily that she purred sarcastically.
— Jason Berlin (@JasonBerlin) May 27, 2015
Two of my cats hate each other and they’re always smelling each others assholes and it’s like maybe that’s the problem.
— Laura (@LadyLardman) May 29, 2015
I’m pretty sure the “Cats always land on their feet” thing was made up to excuse cat throwing
— joe (@sad_tree) May 27, 2015
“Fill ‘er up, please”, I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter.
— moody monday (@mdob11) September 23, 2013
“MY cat is like a dog.” – every cat owner
— The Guy (@theguydf) May 11, 2015
Name your cat “Wheat” so all your friends with cat allergies can say “I’m allergic to Wheat.” HAHAHA! My car is slowly filling with exhaust.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) December 19, 2013
Okay what if Andre 3000 met a cat instead of Big Boi and they were called OutKatz and they sang “Hey Meow” and no one was ever sad what if?
— Grant Pardee (@grantpa) July 7, 2011
There is a person out there for everyone. Your person just happens to be five cats.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) November 23, 2011
[Testing Cat-Human Translator] Scientist: Cat, what is your name? Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER Owner: It’s not working. His name is Socks.
— Dan O’Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) November 21, 2014
I’m in pretty decent shape for someone with this many cat photos on my phone.
— rachow (@rachow) April 1, 2013
Came out of the shower and my cat had one of those slimy rocket boners when he looked at me. Still got it.
— Megan Pettit (@meganshpettit) February 11, 2011
Tonight a co-worker told me his cat has bone cancer and I asked if it needed chemeowtherapy and I don’t feel great about it
— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) January 14, 2015
I wish I was a little bit shorter I wish I was a hoarder I wish there was a bed made of cats I could order.
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) June 14, 2013
CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you? HUMANS: Superior intellect C: Cool what’s it for? H: Math and feeling bad
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) September 21, 2014
my cat is playing with her tail and I’m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 18, 2014
Fat Chancy Magazine, the dating magazine for people who subscribe to Cat Fancy Magazine.
— LBJohnson (@ladybirdj) January 9, 2012
I say hi to my cat about 37 times a day
— Marie Colette (@MarieColette) April 9, 2014
My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 17, 2015
Adopting a hairless cat is like hiring a naked old man to walk around your apartment and never thank you for anything.
— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) February 12, 2012
[at the cat shelter] Yes hello I’d like to start a tab, please
— moody monday (@mdob11) December 23, 2014
