Wipe that sweat off your brow, we made it through another week of madness. More and more people may be putting Twitter down to escape from the daily doom updates, and in doing so they could be missing out on some of the hilarious tweets that are still out there trying to make the world not seem so glum.
Thankfully you have us, and it’s Friday, which means it’s once again time for the funniest tweets of the week! If you were unfortunate to miss our last collection of tweets, not to worry. We’re here for you if you need us. Now, catch up on all the Twitter insanity here then be sure to follow us on Twitter @Mandatory.
Skip the endless scrolling and get right to the good stuff. Catch up on all the insane tweets you missed right here, right now.
I was late to my first fight club last night so I missed the introduction, but it was still really fun and I highly recommend fight club
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 11, 2022
One minute you are young and cool and the next minute you know a place that has really good coleslaw.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 11, 2022
If I ever write a book I’m gonna make the cover a mirror so when people judge it they’re literally looking at themselves.
— Ashley Salazar (@ashleycmsalazar) July 12, 2022
my kid’s public-school kindergarten requires uniforms, which means I’m angrily clicking around shopping websites while muttering “like she’s in some kind of god damned anime”
— Gregory Possum-Meeter (@cat_beltane) July 8, 2022
Who’s your favourite Beatle? Mine’s Ringo. Also, don’t tell me yours.
— Benny ‘Banned in Germany’ Rollins (@citizenkawala) July 8, 2022
*closing menu* and i’ll have the spiced cork. it’s not listed but i’m sure you’ll make do. boil a few wine corks in jalapeño water for me to chew on. maybe a side of mayonnaise mixed with srirach? thanks boss
— swizz keats (@iluvbutts247) July 8, 2022
Actually Duo, no one can MAKE us feel anything, you’re in control of your own emotions hun pic.twitter.com/cC2Vl1OwU4
— Coward the Couragely Dog (@SketchpadTheGr8) July 8, 2022
Why are there so many videos on the internet of successful skydives? Those aren’t the interesting ones
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) July 8, 2022
Excited to announce I’ve been named the fourth Haim sister.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 10, 2022
I plan on using the summer to become more interesting to fewer people.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) July 10, 2022
waiter: how would you like your eggs?
supreme court judge: *crashing in through the ceiling* let me decide
— john (@mrjohndarby) July 10, 2022
i DESPISE instagram accounts that post screenshots of funny tweets. you wanna see a funny tweet? come here and sift through 92,000 absolutely dogshit posts per day like the rest of us
— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) July 7, 2022
This guy is living pic.twitter.com/GXAoUWZLoN
— Jonno Hopkins (@jonnohopkins) July 11, 2022