If you haven’t really recovered from the dark times of early 2020 and sheer panic induced by not being able to buy toilet paper for weeks on end, you may want to start prepping now for whatever fresh hell the autumn and winter’s shift to indoor activities may bring. Between flu season and the ongoing pandemic, there’s no telling how this oh-so-spectacular year will finish out. Don’t get caught with your pants down and an empty roll. Arm yourself with one of these 10 alternatives to TP while they’re all on sale.
Smart Toilet Seat
Toilet paper may be everyone’s go-to, but it’s not the most eco-friendly choice. The smart toilet seat from Aim to Wash! is a great alternative to a rough wipe, as it gives you that soothing clean with warm water. The nozzle on the smart seat is also self-cleaning, which means you don’t need to touch it before or after use. Aim to Wash! is always heated, too, so you can also say goodbye to those seriously unpleasant cold toilet seats.
Buy now: Get the Smart Toilet Seat for $199.99, or 33% off the retail price of $299
Bio Bidet Supreme Seat
The Supreme BB-1000 has a 4.1-out-of-5-star rating on Amazon, and it’s not for nothing — this wireless remote-controlled bidet toilet seat doesn’t just clean you off with a warm spray, it also gives you a refreshing air dry as you recline on the heated throne. It also has a 3-in-1 nozzle that gives you a soothing butt massage (we’re not kidding) and a powerful deodorizer that’ll drive away all those smells nobody wants.
Buy now: Get the Supreme BB-1000 for $424.99, or 14% off the retail price of $499
Alpha IX Hybrid Bidet Seat
Here’s another heated bidet seat that’s worth every dollar: The Alpha IX Hybrid. Sounds like the name of a spacecraft, but it’s just a really great toilet seat with a glowing LED night-light that guides you, not through the galaxy but to the commode at night. It also has a wireless remote that lets you choose from a versatile range of water temperature and spray pressure intensity levels.
Buy now: Get The Alpha IX Hybrid Bidet Seat for $274, or 45% off the retail price of $499
Slim Zero Bidet Seat
We’ve got a bidet seat for everyone, even those on a budget. The Slim Zero is a low-cost toilet seat that’s super easy to install and comes with a dual-nozzle system: a posterior wash mode and a feminine wash mode. Just push or pull the side lever to activate the cycle of your choice. Slim Zero also has a night-light that creates a soothing ambiance for your bathroom and room temperature water that gives you just the right amount of warmth.
Buy now: Get the Slim Zero for $99.99, or 22% off the retail price of $129
SlimGlow Bidet Attachment
SlimGlow is the world’s first bidet attachment featuring a night-light, and that’s not the only cool thing about it. It has a sleek incline that matches your natural position and a control knob that lets you customize your wash in comfort. SlimGlow is also DIY-friendly: all you need to do is place the attachment on your toilet seat and connect it directly to your water supply.
Buy now: Get SlimGlow for $49.99, or 36% off the retail price of $79
If you’re lucky enough to have a stash of TP, you may as well make the most of it with Booty Mint — the only toilet paper spray infused with the cool scent of peppermint, for a minty tingle that keeps you fresh without feeling too spicy down there. Booty Mint also contains witch hazel, aloe vera, and medium-chain fatty acids to help banish unwanted smells and itching without causing irritation to your skin.
Buy now: Get two 4oz bottles of Booty Mint for $14.99, or 50% off the retail price of $29
Aim to Wash! Bidet Attachment
One of the plus sides to owning a bidet attachment is how quick it is to install. This bidet attachment from Aim to Wash! can be easily attached to your toilet seat, and it features dial knobs for simple control. The nozzle on the attachment is self-cleaning and adjustable, a definite upgrade from toilet paper.
Buy now: Get the Aim to Wash! bidet attachment for $49.99, or 28% off the retail price of $69
Fohm Toilet Paper Foam & Dispenser Set
Ditch the wet wipes with this toilet paper foam and dispenser set from Fohm. It will feel way better than the softest toilet paper on your bum. The battery-powered, touchless dispenser is a lot more hygienic and nicer to use, too. Fohm’s cleanser is pH balanced as well as alcohol-, paraben-, and fragrance-free, which makes it a great fit for all skin types.
Buy now: Get Fohm’s Toilet Paper Foam & Dispenser Set for $59.99, or 25% off the retail price of $80
Alpha JX Bidet Seat
The Alpha JX has real alpha energy — it combines all the features of the top-notch bidet seats on the market in one. This is the unit to go with if you’re down for a bit of a splurge. It’s got water heating (with no need for tank water), rear and front wash modes, an LED night-light, a strong air dryer, and a sleek lid that shuts soundlessly. You know those embarrassing flushing and pumping sounds your toilet makes? The Alpha JX also does none of that.
Buy now: Get the Alpha JX Bidet Seat with Remote for $448.99, or 10% off the retail price of $499
Bliss BB-1700 Bidet Toilet Seat
The final bidet seat on our list is hella high-tech, the King of Bidet Seats, if you will. It ain’t cheap, but it’s worth it. It is the Bliss BB-1700. True to its name, the hybrid heating system on this toilet seat gives you a soothing, blissful wash, and the 3-in-1 nozzle system has a bubble infusion technology that’s perfect for both a posterior and a feminine wash. The self-cleaning nozzle, combined with a lush pearlescent finish, makes this bidet seat almost too good to sit down on.