James Deen, the world’s most (in)famous male porn star who isn’t Ron Jeremy, decided to let us in on a few little secrets regarding moments in his life that he kinda regrets. Note: All links contained in this article are incredibly NSFW. But you’re reading a post about a porn star, so what did you expect? Be sure to visit JamesDeen.com to learn more about the man behind the mistakes.
I’m James Deen.
The following are 5 mistakes I made in my life. I was told to write about grand things, like “thinking I could do it all on my own” and then analyze what I have learned in life, but frankly, I am just not that deep. Also, I think my way is more fun.
1: Did acid at my bar mitzvah
So yeah… that happened. I figured the service would be about a hour, and then I would be tripping balls for the party afterwards. However, it turns out drugs aren’t an exact science, and it’s more like 30 minutes. So there I was, in front of my rabbi, parents, and a bunch of other old Jews whom I kind of knew.
I was about to give my Drash and sure enough, I get hit in the brain with LSD. I laughed hysterically for about 10 minutes, and then apparently gave a really insightful commentary on my Torah portion. Looking back, it probably wasn’t the best choice.
2: One time I threw a party in an alley way
My friends and I used to throw parties and shows around Pasadena. One time we didn’t have a venue for the bands, so we decided to steal some chain link fences, along with tarps, from a construction site. We blocked off an alleyway with the fences. We then broke into the school connected to said alleyway and ran some extension cords outside. The show commenced.
We charged $5 to enter the alley and another $5 if you wanted a cup for drinking beer. About two hours into this event, the cops showed up. they were in awe. They were so impressed with our audacity that they didn’t even arrest. They just shook their heads and laughed. They also told us to go home and put everything back. All in all, it could have been a lot worse.
3: Drove off a cliff once
I used to race around in the canyons with my friends. One time I was driving well over the speed limit and as I came around a turn there was a small avalanche occurring. My wheels hit the rocks and I lost control of the vehicle. Fun side note, a side of a mountain is called a “cliff”. By the time I regained control of my car, it was too late.
The driver side front and rear wheels were already over the side of the cliff. I then got to enjoy a fun slide down the mountain – also referred to as a “cliff.” Once the sliding was done, and I was able to take a moment, I realized I was stuck in a tree at something resembling a 90-degree angle. Climbing out of the car was an experience. I would call it terrifying. After that, I climbed up to the top of the mountain and called a tow truck. They rescued my car and took me to a Carl’s Jr., where I ate a cheeseburger before going to work on set.
4: The sandwich
I want it all. I always do. I normally have an issue making decisions when presented with multiple options where I desire all of the available outcomes. this is even worse when I am hungry.
This one time, I was hungry and went to a Quiznos and couldn’t decide which sandwich I wanted. naturally, I ordered all of them. Not all of the sandwiches at Quiznos, just all the ones I was deciding between. I ate to my heart’s content but still had a full sandwich left over. I was in my office so I left the remaining sandwich on my desk. Hours later, I ate some of the sandwich and then vomited…. a lot. I wrapped the sandwich up and put it in the fridge. The next day I ate some more of the sandwich and puked my guts up. I stopped eating and put the sandwich in the fridge. For lunch that day, I ate some more of the sandwich and again, I puked. This is when I started thinking that the sandwich might have something to do with the vomit.
Eventually my friend showed up and saved me. I was vomiting when he arrived because I had eaten some more of the sandwich. He asked what was going on, and after i told him, he took the remainder of the sandwich away from me and put it in the trash. His girlfriend, who was with him, then advised him to put soap on it.
I really like food.
5: Told the cops my name was Matt
I have a friend named Matt who used to sell drugs. He doesn’t anymore. This is back when we were like 15. Now he’s a fully functioning member of society… or a nomad…. I’m pretty sure he’s a nomad. Matt and I are very close in description. We are both the same age, both white dudes with brown hair. We are both skinny fucks who are 5’8”.At the time we both even had long brown hair.
I was walking through the park and a bunch of cops came up to me and started to shake me down. They asked if I knew a Matt. Like any good friend, I told them I knew lots of “Matts.” I even said, “Hell, my middle name is Matt.” Thanks to this brilliant statement, I had the privilege of spending the rest of the night in jail. Oh, I also told them I was 18 because I was smoking a cigarette when they first approached me, so this created all sorts of other complications.
This concludes my list of 5 mistakes I have made in life. I am sure I could go on for hours, and I would never dare to try to put these in any sort of order – just know I have learned from these mistakes… and now I refrigerate all my sandwiches.
Be sure to visit James Deen’s blog by clicking right here.
