Five Things You’ll Lose at Coachella

It’s time to head back out to the fields for Coachella! The upcoming weekend full of musical mayhem in the desert is bound to be a blast, with an incredible lineup and mercifully few scheduling conflicts all but guaranteeing a mindblowing experience.

Naturally, however, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure the ultimate Coachella experience. We’ve walked you through the ten steps to surviving Coachella, but there are five things you could lose at the festival that could definitely lead to a bad time. Stay mindful of these, and your weekend will definitely be worth the headaches and mountains of work on Monday morning.


There’s about two dozen in every crowd – the types who want to stop the show so everyone can help look for their precious little gadget. In a sea of 90,000 people, that’s about as likely as a Kurt Cobain hologram duet with Jimi Hendrix. You’re bound to misplace some things, but if you don’t want to be digitally stranded and unable to get ahold of your friends and that precious, precious Instagram account, make sure you’ve got at least one deep pocket to stash your phone.


Daytime Coachella isn’t much fun when you can’t see what the hell’s going on. Do you have what it takes to battle thousands of other people for the tiny slivers of shade scattered throughout the polo fields? Not if you want to enjoy yourself. Either bring a backup pair of shades or keep an eye out for throughout the ten thousand merch booths pimping ripoff neon Ray Bans for ten bucks. Nobody’s judging your stupid fashion – we’re all sweating pigs in the unrelenting musical oven of Indio. Besides, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll be rocking a fanny pack.


The sea of automobiles in every direction is outrageous, and that’s before people start heading for the exits and you’re awash in red lights and glow of headlights shining every which way. Be sure to remember where you parked when you’re heading in – write it down, tell a friend, take a picture – with the overload of stimuli headed your way, you’re guaranteed to be a bit forgetful as you shuffle through the exits when it’s all over. We’ve seen full-on bro-rage meltdowns over misplaced vehicles, and more than a few exhausted crybaby tears shed by ladies who can’t track down their ride. Don’t be that guy.


One particularly amusing/disturbing feature of music festivals in America is the general tendency of pseudo-enlightened vegan reiki goddesses to gleefully ingest whatever substances they’re offered on the festival fields, all in the name of paaaaaarty. Watch your intake and don’t just pop any pill that drops into your hand. If you’ve never experimented with [insert substance here] before, what makes you think a gigantic festival in 110 degree desert heat is the place to take that maiden voyage? Stick to what you know and keep things moderate, at least until the sun goes down. And if a girl comes up to you urgently looking for her friend Molly, it’s not what you think.


While grabbing at your cash all day for merch, $700 beers or mystery meat-kabobs, your wallet’s going to see quite a bit of daylight. Either use one of those sexy little chain connectors to keep yourself tethered, wear something with a velcro pocket or maintain a solid awareness at all times – which is a bit counter-productive when you want to let loose after all the scheduling, traveling and shelling out so much cash to even get to Coachella. Is it any wonder that the fanny-pack is making such a comeback?


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