Non-Destructive Ways To Deal When Your Favorite NFL Team Sucks
Photo: Brian Bahr (Getty Images)
Whether you watch NFL football, college football, or your favorite gamer Madden out a title, football is America’s true pastime. It’s simply fun to be a fan…unless your team sucks so badly you’re willing to destroy everything.
Don’t be like Christopher Grayshock, the 57-year-old New Jersey man who was arrested recently on a DUI charge. Upon being cuffed also for assault by auto, marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, reckless driving and open container, Grayshock told police that he “drank too much because the Jets (3-7) suck,” according to Newsweek.
Don’t be like Chris. Be better.
We understand the peril of a lost season — or decade (looking at you, Browns and Bills fans). So, instead of putting yourself and others in danger by drinking yourself into oblivion, here are some healthy ways to deal with your terrible NFL franchise.
Give Your Jersey to Goodwill
Or better yet, give it to a child. Because if you’re wearing a jersey with a man’s name on it who is younger than you are, you’re already doing it wrong. And please, don’t burn it. That’s so Cleveland, 2010.
Call Your Nana
Life is all about perspective. Once you hear about your grandma’s sciatica (and arthritis, and emphysema, and high blood pressure, etc.) you’ll remember what truly matters in your life. Yes, family and health are more important than rooting for laundry. Plus, your Nana is bound to cheer you up after your team’s loss simply for all the stories she will share about how much of a terror your dad (or mom) was in high school.
Eat Ice Cream
Because it’s virtually impossible to be 100 percent sad while eating ice cream. You know it.
And Jets fans, remember, it could be worse. You could live in Buffalo.
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Josh Helmuth is a sports reporter in St. Louis who contributes to Mandatory.