Justin Bieber’s Lawyers Are Gonna Sue You For Looking At His Dick

Let’s try to ignore the fact that if Taylor Swift‘s vagina was captured by a telephoto lens while on vacation then put online, half of the Internet’s bandwidth would be used for think pieces explaining how we’re all collectively complicit in her invasion of privacy and how the crushing boot of the patriarchy is reducing her to nothing but a sex object. But since this leak came with a dick, we get articles like this. But as the meme points out, that’s none of my business. However, we can talk about the fact that Justin Bieber’s dick hit online yesterday, and know his lawyers are planning to figuratively stick it up your ass.

Justin Bieber and his team are sending a strong message — the nude photos of him published this week invaded his privacy, and anyone who posted them should take them down immediately. TMZ has confirmed Bieber’s legal team has sent multiple cease and desist letters to news outlets that published the pics, saying remove ’em or else. They claim the photos were taken without Bieber’s knowledge. They show a naked Bieber in Bora Bora … right before jumping into a pool. We’re told his team will sue if the sites don’t remove the pics ASAP. 

To Bieber’s credit, he doesn’t really give a shit since he’s not Asian or Diplo.

Justin’s anger faded when the pics went viral … for one seemingly larger than average reason: Bieber’s a really big deal, and we’re told he’s happy the world knows it now.

Texts I got from girls yesterday: “it’s too early for this”, “but is he a grower or a shower tho?”, “his fluffer needs a raise”, “selena I feel you girl”, and “you and bieber have something in common I see”. That last one was sent from my mom. She’s the best.