Nicolas Cage Dropped His Kid. Child Protective Services Generally Frowns Upon That.

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After being arrested because his wife was being a difficult, hard-headed bitch, a child abuse detective was called to investigate Nicolas Cage after witnesses say watched him “pull his 5-year-old son to the ground”. TMZ reports:

According to the police report, Cage’s wife Alice told police she and Nic had been arguing on the night of April 15 “due to his intoxicated state” … when they went to pick up their son from a friend’s house. FYI — Alice was in the driver’s seat. Alice told cops … she and Nic continued to argue until they arrived at their home — at which point she claims, “Mr Cage fell while holding their son. The fall caused the 5 year old to suffer a minor abrasion to his left knee.” But a witness told cops a slightly different story — saying he saw “Mr. Cage pull the male child to the ground by his hand.” According to the report, “A child abuse detective was notified.” Cops say they wanted to interview Cage’s son — but Alice wouldn’t let that happen. As for Cage, cops described him as “hysterical” and “irrational” when they interviewed him after the incident.

I hope everyone involved is being investigated, because it’s always a good idea to stand around and watch a 5-year old child with an unhinged drunk and a shrieking Asian woman. Or maybe they thought he was an Avatar. Who must put his childhood ways aside and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water, Earth and Air nations. Hurry before it’s too late!


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