Paula Abdul Has a Dead Stalker

Oh God, somebody get rid of all the belts and sharp objects and prepare for a meltdown of epic proportions, a dead body was found outside Paula Abdul’s house. TMZ reports:

“A body was found in a car a few houses down from Paula Abdul’s home, and there are reports the victim was a “big fan” of the “Idol” judge. The body was discovered last night in a car. Cops tell us it may have been a drug overdose/suicide…An LAPD spokesperson said the parents of the victim believe their daughter was a “big fan” of Paula’s. Whether this has anything to do with the victim’s death is unclear, but it seems more than a coincidence her body was found just yards from Paula’s home.”

Seriously, make sure you get rid of all the extension cords, too. The dead body was Abdul’s stalker, Paula Goodspeed, a failed contestant on American Idol. TMZ says:

“We’ve learned the identity of the dead woman, Paula Goodspeed, who appeared on Season 5 in 2006. During her audition she said she’s an artist and the first pic she ever drew was of Paula Abdul. “Idol” produced a 3 minute and 40 second featurette on Goodspeed and her passion for Paula. She did not make the cut, after Ryan Seacrest proclaimed, “And the love affair is over.”

Update: This is the second time that psycho overdosed outside Paula Abdul’s house. (Via: TMZ)

Update 2: Click here for Paula Goodspeed’s MySpace and click here to read the blog she wrote about her American Idol auditions.

If Paula Abdul was a Native American Chief and she saw somebody litter, that single tear would be replaced by a bottomless pit of unhinged despair and a mushroom cloud of existential crisis that could only be staved off by gallons of vodka and prescription medication she smuggled from South America because her regular doctor cut her off. So, you know, the fact that the corpse outside wanted her autograph should be real fun. I fully expect her life coach to fit her for a diaper at some point later this week.

Photos: Splash; TMZ


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