David Copperfield Gets All The Ladies

The FBI raided David Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse last week and reportedly seized digital camera equipment, a computer hard drive, and $2 million in cash after a woman accused the illusionist of sexually assaulting her in the Bahamas. The reason for the raid has since been revealed, but it remained unclear why the FBI would confiscate the cash. Until now. Copperfield was planning to pay the woman off. New York Daily News reports:

…Copperfield invited the 21-year-old beauty to a “lavish party” at his remote compound in the Bahamas. But when she got there, on July 27, she discovered “there was no party – and no other guests,” according The Enquirer source. That night, Copperfield forced himself on the woman, holding her arms “down on the bed, leaving her with terrible bruises,” the friend charges. “She told me she fought back,” the friend says. “But she said that just seemed to turn him on more.” “After Copperfield had finished with her and left to clean off, the young woman had the presence of mind to use her cell phone to take photos of the crime scene,” according to the tab. “In order to preserve physical evidence, she says she didn’t shower. The next day, she went back home to Seattle, where her mother met her at the airport.” “They drove straight to the Harborview Medical Center, where medical personnel performed a ‘rape kit’ on her,” the friend told The Enquirer.”

Wow, David Copperfield had a brilliant plan. He’s like the Ethan Hunt of rapists. He might have wanted to try putting on a black top hat and fake handlebar moustache and tying this chick to the railroad tracks. I hear that’s a pretty good plan, too.

Someone David Copperfield didn’t rape: