Marie Antoinette Sucks

Critical darling, Sofia Coppola, appears to have scored her first flop with the widely panned period drama Marie Antoinette. This lame mess, about France’s headless icon, made $5.3 million over its opening weekend, mostly in theaters where the owner lives in the upstairs loft with his boyfriend. Here are some of the nicer reviews:

One of the most vapid and unentertaining stories I’ve had the displeasure of seeing this year. – Review Express

Sofia Coppola keeps making these aptly crafted, perfectly vapid little films. She’s the arthouse Tony Scott. – Montreal Journal

Coppola, arguably the most successful living member of the Lucky Sperm Club, brings us an unimaginative perspective on the girl’s life…Without daddy’s money…Coppola’s emaciated screenplay would still be moldering on her hard drive as the author worked the 10-4 shift at the Starbucks on Figueroa – Film Threat

This really should come as no surprise, because except for when she’s filling screen space in Spiderman or being bitten by Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst films usually suck and never make any money. Meanwhile, Sofia Coppola makes every one of her films more lame and boring than the last. I saw the first ten minutes of Lost in Translation, and the next thing I remember was waking up six months later and a doctor telling my mother it was a miracle.