Kate Bosworth is back with her ex

“Kate Bosworth has reportedly fallen back into the arms of her Australian model lover following Orlando Bloom’s return to the UK,” says IMDb. “Bloom was photographed cuddling up to heart-broken actress Sienna Miller on Sunday following her split from Jude Law – and it appears Bosworth has rekindled her romance with Lundi Shackleton … an assistant to director Bryan Singer.”

I wrote “lover” because the article says “lover”, which makes him sound like he picks her up in a horse drawn carriage and puts her in a velvet blindfold to eat strawberries. So between this homo and the last little weenie, my manly sexual powers may freak her out a little. I’ll try and tone it down, but when she sees me working with the abused horses, oiled up with my shirt off in faded chaps and a weathered cowboy hat, her intense feelings of primal lust may be confusing. My approach is gonna be to ignore her, and explain that I’m running from my past … and I’m sorry Kate, but I just cant talk about it. I know you just want to help, but I’m not ready to open up, just leave me alone. And then I’ll shed a single tear, and scream “Don’t look at me!”

I’m almost positive that will work.