5 Careers Tim Tebow Would Be Better At Than Baseball
Photo: Mike Ehrmann (Getty).
I get excited for baseball season every year around this time. It’s when players start reporting to their teams for spring training. But this year is different. Instead of listening to analysts talk about the moves that were made in the offseason, or outlooks for the teams, all anyone has been talking about is Tim Tebow playing minor league ball for the Mets. I can’t think of a time when a minor league player has been so featured in the sports news. I don’t even think Michael Jordan got this much press. And Michael Jordan was the greatest basketball player at the time (perhaps all time). Tim Tebow was a great college player who couldn’t cut it in the NFL.
Everyone — except Tebow — seems to know the odds are stacked against him. He’s 29 years old, hasn’t played baseball since high school, and is competing in the minor leagues with thousands of other players. I wish him nothing but the best, but if it doesn’t work out, I have some backup careers for him.
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5 Things Tim Tebow Would Be Better At Than Baseball
1. Show Choir/Acapella Group
Acapella groups are all the rage these days. And pro athletes seem to have a tough time leaving the fame and fans behind. This career move would give Tebow the adoration he so desires, and lift his voice up to the Almighty. I’m pretty sure there are Bible verses about singing, but zero about baseball. It would also be great to have show choir opened up to Tebow’s audience.
2. Snake Handler
He’s from Florida, so he should already be familiar with aggressive reptiles. Maybe Busch Garden’s has an opening for him. Or maybe he can just become a Pentecostal preacher. I don’t care what the price of admission is, I will pay it for the chance to see Tim Tebow get bit by a snake. Plus, there has been a void in the “White People Playing with Animals They Shouldn’t” market since Steve Irwin passed away.
3. Pitcher (for a local company)
Great college athletes are good at giving endorsements. Here in Oklahoma, we have former OU great Jason White telling us about air conditioners, Billy Sims slinging Bar-B-Q, and Barry Sanders selling Hyundai’s. So it would only be fitting if Tebow started pitching ads for some company in Florida. Maybe catheters, or oxygen tanks, or Pitbull. I dunno. But I’ll bet you cash for Clark Bars that some company is willing to put him on the payroll. It’s one of the perks of being a great college athlete.
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4. Color Commentator
Don’t you love it when color commentator’s chime in while you’re watching sports to tell you about some obscure statistic they were just handed? Well, what if that color commentator had the charisma of a Joel Osteen and knowledge of the Bible of a… well, a Joel Osteen again? Wouldn’t that be great?! It gets athletes who are used to performing in front of a lot of fans and turns them into characters you couldn’t care less about. Just like Troy Aikman. He was once the bee’s knees on America’s Team. Now, he’s an annoying dude who talks about himself while your trying to watch football. Tebow would be perfect.
5. Motivational Speaker
This is the one. I mean, he already does it. And for $50K-$100K, he can speak to your organization for an hour. Say what you will about the guy, but he has a good story. I’m not sure it’s $100 grand good, but hell, take what you can get Tebow! And the great thing about being a motivational speaker, as opposed to a commentator, is that you only have to listen to his crap if you want to! It doesn’t require you to mute your television. And doesn’t everyone want to pay a lot of money to hear about a guy who won the Heisman, bounced around the NFL, and then couldn’t cut it on the Mets farm team? I’m not sure that’s very motivating, but perhaps then ESPN will shut up about him.