KHL Defenseman Damir Ryspayev Gets Into More Fights On The Ice Than Happy Gilmore

August 8, 2016

To his credit, at no point has Astana Barys defenseman Damir Ryspayev taken off his skate and tried to stab somebody. But with stats like his, you can’t blame the Kontinental Hockey League brawler for being a bit angry. After all, he’s played 23 regular season games over the past two years without a single goal or assist to his name. That’s probably why the 21-year-old’s latest preseason match against the Kunlun Red Stars ended with, well, this:

This is the “brawl” that caused Barys/Kunlun to end after 3 minutes. Damir Ryspayev should be banned from hockey. pic.twitter.com/b6OpcuUf5i

— Jeff Veillette (@JeffVeillette) August 8, 2016

The entire “game” lasted three total minutes before the Red Stars’ coach decided to pull his team. As for the disciplinary action taken against Ryspayev, it sounds like his hockey days — if you can call them that — are over for awhile.

Official press release – pic.twitter.com/7Wbr36fPFF

— Aivis Kalniņš (@A_Kalnins) August 8, 2016

Just for kicks (and punches, mostly punches), here’s what no points and 194 penalty minutes in 23 career games looks like:

h/t Sportsnet

If you couldn't tell by his photo, dignity flew out the window long ago for Cory. But that just means that nothing is off limits, making him the perfect fit to write for Mandatory. Hobbies include: eating pizza, thinking about going for a jog today, writing memes that no one finds funny, and wondering what life would be like if he'd actually put forth the effort to make something of it 10 years ago. He also owns two other hats (not pictured).