New Jersey Man Punches Roommate For Taking Too Long To Poop

Who’s right and who’s wrong here might depend on whether or not the pooper’s legs had fallen asleep.

According to BroBible, some poor bastard in Jersey City who had to drop a post-Thanksgiving deuce at 2 a.m. Friday morning wound up getting assaulted by his roommate because he was “taking too long” to do so.

Police said one 32-year-old man was pinching a loaf when his 32-year-old roommate started pounding on the door and yelling, “Get out, I want to use the bathroom.” Either the dude didn’t take his roommate’s request seriously or he didn’t drop his biscuits fast enough because the other guy allegedly “barged into the bathroom, punched his roommate and then flung him into a glass mirror that shattered and cut the roommate’s neck.”

The aggressor was charged with simple assault and domestic violence. Neither of the two men involved were named, and that’s a huge bonus for whoever has to find a new house to poop in.

Our advice? Pay the extra 20 bucks a month for that second crapper.

Who shanks their roommate while he’s having a threesome on his birthday? This guy: Texas Man Stabs Roommate Who Was Having A Birthday Threesome

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