Jessica Simpson Is Dating Billy Corgan

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Every time Jessica Simpson goes on a first date she immediately tells anyone who will listen that the guy she went out with “is the one”, then she gets all clingy and possessive and makes a human suit out of their skins. Ok, I may have made that last part up. To be fair, I think the guy at Starbucks put something in my coffee. E! Online reports:

“She has fallen hard and is smitten,” a source tells E! News of Jessica, adding that both she and 42-year-old Billy consider themselves “officially dating.” Reps for both have yet to return calls for comments, but another source close to Jess says her inner circle is not exactly whistling a happy tune when it comes to this rumored hookup…”He’s just another in an endless string of Jessica’s boyfriends,” says the source. “They think he’s too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They’re sick of all of them being ‘the one.’ “

Billy Corgan is a genius and Jessica Simpson has the mental capacity of this bottle of hand sanitizer, so I can only imagine he’s playing along so he can titty fuck her. I mean, that’s the only reason I can think of. It can’t be to talk. I’m not even halfway joking when I say I’d rather listen to a CD of puppies being shot than listen to this retard for five minutes.

Jessica Simpson and her miniature gay at Mr. Chow’s last night: