Paris Hilton Might Be Pregnant

[Gallery not found]

Oh, please no. Nooo!!! The Awful Truth says:

She’s not drinking. It’s the first time I’ve never seen her do that.”

Above source is a firsthand, regular and up close observer of Paris Hilton and her horniness, hotness and sometimes tankedlicious goings on. Said insider’s been posing and preening right alongside Ms. H at a few recent T-town soirees. Gosh, is this the new, freshly domesticated Mrs.-Madden-to-be Paris or Paris the teetotalist, perhaps (for whatever reason)? Or, to get very National Enquirer about it (as if there were any diff here at A.T., I mean, really), could this possibly be the new preggers Paris? Just a pregnant pause, or hunch, that’s all, babes. See, when the regularly guzzling heiress suddenly cleans up her vodka-happy act, hon-pies, somethin’s up. Fer sure.”

Sorry if you don’t have a gay decoder ring to decipher what Ted Casablanca just said, but basically Paris Hilton has stopped drinking and it’s weird that Paris Hilton would stop drinking because she’s famous for being a drunk skank. So, the speculation now is that she might be pregnant. Which would make sense, because Paris Hilton craves attention and having a baby would finally give her that again. A baby who would have to be born with the whole world knowing Paris Hilton was its mother. I’m not a nurse, but I think we can all agree that the best thing to do for this baby would be to put it in a shoebox and float it down the river.

Paris and Benji yesterday in Malibu:

Photos: Splash