The 30 Funniest Fourth Of July Tweets Ever

Photo: Warren Holstein (Twitter) / Super Dog Americana; Photo: Tracey Buyce Photography(Getty Images)

Somehow our celebration of independence became a day where we gorge on hot dogs, wear American flag tank tops and severally injure ourselves with the combination of alcohol and fireworks. Thankfully, there are still things to laugh about, and these hilarious people have gone through and found them all for us. Here are 30 of the funniest Fourth of July tweets we’ve ever seen.

The Funniest Fourth Of July Tweets Ever

Happy 4th of July or as dogs call it, ‘Canine/11’

— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) July 5, 2014

Happy 4th of July weekend!

Remember if you’ve been drinking and are going to be using fireworks – make sure someone is getting it on video.

— andy lassner (@andylassner) July 3, 2015

Happy 4th of July, if you’ve never been to America, this picture really sums it up: pic.twitter.com/sHK3dvZMMt

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) July 4, 2014

If @HulkHogan sees his shadow on the 4th of July we get six more weeks of wrestlemania!

— paperwash© (@PaperWash) July 3, 2015

My 4th of July manger features baby Jesus in an red, white and blue blanket, Captain America, Sarah Palin and several exploding donkeys.

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) July 4, 2015

Dad, why do we celebrate 4th of July?

Well son, it celebrates our defeating the aliens that blew up the White House after Will Smith attac

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) July 2, 2014

Happy 4th of July pic.twitter.com/EUm7XCATxg

— Carey O’Donnell (@ecareyo) July 4, 2014

The Purge, but for people who set off fireworks the 5th of July

— Erica (@SCbchbum) July 5, 2014

it’s 4th of july again which means i’ll be standing at attention saluting the flag on the taco bell window all afternoon

— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 4, 2015

Don’t let seeing your grandpa in shorts ruin your 4th of July!

— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) July 4, 2012

Next to 4th of July, Memorial Day is the best time to huck a baseball way too fast at other people’s kids.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) May 28, 2012

Someone told me that they don’t have the 4th of July in other countries. Seems kinda stupid to skip from the 3rd to the 5th, but whatever.

— MJ (@sucittaM) July 4, 2012

The 4th of July is the one day of the year that Americans take a break from trying to murder each other and try to murder the sky.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 3, 2013

if you didn’t blow a guy with poprocks in your mouth on the Fourth of July you’re not a true American

— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) July 7, 2015

most people’s 4th of july plans are really just what people do in texas everyday: eat bbq, drink beer and light shit on fire

— Lana Berry (@Lana) July 4, 2014

The 4th of July is when Toby Keith likes to jack off on a bald eagle

— Paige (@PeachCoffin) July 3, 2015

Who else’s parents waited until July 5 and then bought them all the Fourth of July shirts from Old Navy??

— GABY DUNN (@gabydunn) April 13, 2016

“Hope you had a great 4th of July!” – someone about to ask you for something in an email.

— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) July 6, 2015

[trying to make small talk with my coworker]

have a good 4th?

“Huh?”

4th of July

“Like 3 months ago…?”

Yeah

“Wow”

— luke (@internetluke) September 29, 2015

Don’t forget to acknowledge the sad, untouched bowl of Ruffles potato chips left on an outside table at whatever 4th of July BBQ you attend.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 3, 2015

Just met someone who genuinely likes coconut water. Fourth of July is canceled

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) July 4, 2015

Happy 4th of July

Can’t wait to scroll through all your lousy, blurry fireworks pics

— Lauren Sivan (@LaurenSivan) July 4, 2015

4th of July is a very special day when really smart people spend the money they’ve normally designated for the lottery on loud explosives

— Severus Ape (@mattytalks) July 4, 2015

4th of July is the best holiday because any dogs at the party are too scared of the fireworks so the girls have to talk to me instead

— Albro FLAMEoftheWEST (@bromanconsul) July 4, 2015

10 fingers. 10 toes. Lamest 4th of July ever.

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) July 5, 2015

The 4th of July debates are really heating up on Facebook tonight. pic.twitter.com/vv0J4a15w1

— Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) July 5, 2015

happy 4th of july EVE

leave a cold pabst outside ur trailer tonite

& maybe u find a ‘big johnson’ shirt in the a.m

(florida only)

— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) July 4, 2013

I can’t wait to watch 5,000 15-second shitty-looking Instagram videos of fireworks on the Fourth of July!!!!

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) June 30, 2013