The Mandatory Madison Cawthorn Guide to Throwing an Unforgettable Orgy

The Republican party seems to be having trouble trying to be the Christian Taliban and hating on LGBT people when they’ve got Rep. Madison Cawthorn in their ranks. His presence is making it so much harder for them to suppress their inner self-loathing-cum-homosexuality and moral hypocrisy. For the uninitiated, Madison Cawthorne (R-NC) is a douchey and creepy Christofascist Republican Congressman of North Carolina who loves coke parties and doing very heteronormative stuff like face-fucking another guy.

“I look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics,” said Cawthorne in a recent interview. “Then all of the sudden you get invited to, ‘Well hey, we’re going to have kind of a sexual get together at one of our homes, you should come.’ I’m like, ‘What did you just ask me to come to do?’ And then you realize they are asking you to come to an orgy.”

We all know politicians secretly love illicit drugs as much as taking bribes or paying off strippers they knocked up, so you have to give Cawthorn some credit for being honest. However, any creditability as a human he might have goes out the window when you consider his hatred and policies toward the LGBT community while, hypocritically enough, he engages in homosexual acts himself. We’re referring, of course, to Cawthorn’s recent leaked video that shows him naked-thrusting another guy’s face. Hilariously enough, the anti-LGBT Republican claims it was just a “joke.” Ah yes, comedians always open their stand-up comedy shows by face-fucking a male audience member. What a classic gag, right?

So since this creep is a world-class douche, we decided to come up with the Mandatory Madison Cawthorn guide to throwing an unforgettable orgy.

Cover Photo: Twitter
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