The Mandatory Dating Guide For People Who Start Every Relationship From Their Phone
Dating has become exactly like ordering delivery. Why leave the house and brave the neighborhood when you can just scroll through a bunch of options until one jumps out at you? Because meeting people IRL is not easy, in fact, it mostly blows. Especially in the age of quarantine when single people everywhere feel more like lepers than eligible bachelors.
Good thing we can start every relationship from our phones, using little more than a few well-placed memes to flirt our way to stardom. But kickstarting every relationship this way comes with its own share of hazards. For starters, it takes some of the gravitas out of the process of finding a companion. Like, is reducing your love life to a database of personal ads that we judgmentally scroll through during marathon bathroom breaks and lulls in our evening binge the best launchpad for a meaningful relationship?
Then there’s the problem of chemistry, which is impossible to predict until you actually put down your phone and link up in person. Meanwhile, the whole dating scene is rife with hidden pitfalls. For those who want to make a real connection, a rollercoaster of lukewarm dates is not as great as it sounds.
Luckily, there’s a super-easy way to handle the ups and downs of dating in the year 2021. With billions of people out there looking for love, your heart’s desire is only a click away. Let us guide you to the jackpot of love.
Cover Photo: Carol Yepes (Getty Images)
Know Your Options, Then Zero In
Do you want to date a 70-year-old Greek Orthodox grandma or have a Marvel superhero-themed orgy? Thanks to the internet, there's something for everyone. But options can be exhausting. From music-based dating sites like Tastebuds to polyamorous apps like #Open, there's no better time to find your perfect match from the safety of your phone. But if you don't finetune your search from the outset, you may just end up like Buridan's ass: Completely love-starved.
Put Your Best Foot Forward
Being totally honest is great in the longterm, but in the beginning, consider zhuzh-ing up your profile to draw a wider audience. Not everyone needs to know about your love of dungeon porn or the constellation of moles on your back that look like the big dipper. You'll attract more flies with honey (wait, did we just compare potential dates to flies?)
But Don't Oversell
Highlight what makes you a beacon of humanity, a stud on the dancefloor, and the funniest man alive, but do it how the French say trés facile. Don't advertise all your goods like a salesman, let them speak for themselves as the relationship heats up like a microwave burrito. Delicious.
Watch Out For Scammers
The Nigerian prince scam dates back centuries. But with advancements in technology, scamming has gotten a lot more sophisticated. Every person who uses a dating app will likely interact with a fraud artist at some point, so watch out for red flags. Like someone who wants to switch platforms right away, offers left-field investment opportunities, or (sorry to say it) looks too good to be true.
Live in the Real World
Flipping through hundreds of profiles and juggling dozens of conversations to whittle your prospects down can be exhausting. Stay grounded. Until our robotic overlords force us to live as cyber slaves, remember to take time to experience the physical world. It will help you maintain a healthy perspective and put a pep in your step for when the right one comes along.
Ignore the Haters
Hey, it might take a while to make a love connection. Research says that 80 percent of women go for 20 percent of guys (and vice versa). Meaning, online dating is super lopsided and can totally suck. But keep refining what you're putting out there and things will eventually break your way. Unless you're the reincarnation of Moses, all you need is one.
Take a Hint
If you've been conversating with a potential date but it went sideways, cut your losses. Persistence can pay off at times, but we all know when the buzzer has sounded. Don't beat a dead horse, people will think you're an animal abuser.
Don't Be Scared to Take Things to the Next Level
After countless dead-end conversations with fizzled-out prospects, you actually vibed with someone amazing who vibed back. Now it's time to see if the chemistry works in person. It's nerve-racking. Just take a deep breath and repeat after us, "You got this."
Don't Get Discouraged
All right, so it didn't work out. Dating can be a real bummer at times. But the truth is, every relationship takes effort, even the great ones. Mama always said, "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs." We're not really sure what she meant by that, but we're positive there's a dating app for it.
Love's a Gamble
Remember, dating is a crapshoot. Sometimes the odds are stacked against you. And trust us, we've lost a lot of money dating the wrong people. But it's all part of the game of love, and it's a game worth playing. So step into the ring, throw out the rulebook, and do what feels right for you. That's the only surefire way to end up lucky in love.
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