Honest Timeline: Being Productive At Work During Summer
Just because you’re stuck at your desk doesn’t mean you have to miss a summer of fun. In fact, if you play your cards right, you can effectively do your job and eff off all summer. But this kind of precision work dodging takes a lot of skill. Instead of avoiding summer entirely, bring summer to you by living your best life. As Bodhi says in Kathryn Bigelow’s 1991 masterpiece Point Break, “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.” So kick your feet up on that desk you hate and pay the pied piper because this is being productive at work during summer.
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Monday during the summer is commonly when you nurse a hangover the size of King Kong. To do this, you spend the morning in a dark office, drinking tons of coconut water with the hopes that your brain stops pounding and starts working. To convince everyone you're working and not dying, you stream a recording of typing while silently sobbing at your desk until 5 p.m.
You're back and ready for action. Your hangover waned late the night before, which means you're primed to catch up on work. After back-t0-back mid-morning meetings, you decide to "treat yourself" and do a little online shopping. You're interrupted when your boss comes in to congratulate you on an idea you pitched earlier. Upon hearing this, you click "buy now" because you're obviously a hero.
You spend the entire morning working while streaming Point Break and whispering "vaya con Dios" to yourself. After lunch, executives from your New York office drop in for a surprise visit and an impromptu meeting. You present the pitch your boss loved from the day before, which is met with a hyper-positive response. After the meeting, the big wigs head out for a drink and you ditch work to hit the pool for a congratulatory swim.
After your big win this week, you decide it's OK to coast through today. Thursdays can be pretty pointless anyways. After lunch, you bounce around your coworkers' desks, checking in with them like you're the boss. But you're willing to do whatever it takes to seem like you're working when you're just watching the clock creep to 5 p.m.
Friday at Noon
You're hungover again, but everyone knows that Friday really starts the second you leave work on Thursday. This means Friday requires a liquid lunch, which may or may not begin at your desk and move to drinks with coworkers. Cheers, mofos.
Friday at 4 p.m.
Your entire team rolls back into work 2 hours after lunch "begins." Someone challenges you to a game of ping pong and you lose fantastically. Around 3:30 p.m., you head into your office and check your messages. Nothing pressing. You pack your shit and leave, making sure that everyone knows not to bother you again until Monday afternoon. It's summertime after all, so "vaya con Dios."
Honest Timeline: Nursing The World’s Worst Hangover
How do you get through the workday when you just want to get outside and enjoy the warm weather? Let us know in the comments!