Why Breaking Up Before The Holidays Is Better For Both Of You
Photo: Jamie Grill (Getty Images)
It’s November and the holidays are right around the corner. Although they’re supposedly a time for goodwill and cheer they can actually be very stressful. This is especially so if you’re in a relationship that you’re ambivalent about. While your partner might be hinting about spending the holidays together, you may be feeling more like breaking up.
If you’re in this position, it might be time to express your concerns. If you don’t want to spend the holidays together, you should probably say so. There’s nothing worse than breaking up when you should be celebrating. Thanksgiving is in three short weeks and if you want to do you and your partner a favor, you’ll break up with them before then.
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Being The Bad Guy
If you don’t want to spend the holidays with someone, say so. You might feel like a jerk by forcing the issue, but you’ll actually be more of a jerk if you wait and let the relationship implode naturally. Although it might hurt your partner, the reality is, it’s more hurtful to lead someone on than it is to break up with them.
Alexandra Tweten, relationship expert and author of Bye Felipe: Disses, Dick Pics And Other Delights Of Modern Dating, says, “Maybe your summer fling has rolled over into cuffing season and it’s time to cut the cord. There’s no great time to break up with someone. If you’re thinking about it or have made up your mind, do it before the holidays and save yourself the awkward meeting-the-family conversations before they start. Don’t be a douche about it and take some responsibility.”
From Bad To Worse
Somehow, during the holidays, every relationship problem becomes magnified. It’s almost as if the holiday cheer highlights the weak points in a relationship. Plus, the added stress of knowing you may have to finally deal with each other’s families can catapult a rocky relationship into Breakupsville. This takes all the fun out of a time that’s supposed to be festive.
Breaking up before your problems have a chance to surface means you and your partner won’t have to suffer through December together. While you still might be the bad guy for initiating the breakup, at least you’ve given both yourself and your partner a chance to enter the holidays with a clean slate.
A Blue Christmas Without You
Yes. It’s obviously very lonely to be single during the holidays, but that’s not an excuse to exploit someone else’s feelings. That said, breaking up with them might not lighten your load. The reality is, if you’re having trouble with your significant other, you should communicate with them about it. People aren’t mind-readers.
However, if you’ll only be leading your partner on just to have someone to get through the holidays with, you’re being selfish. Lots of relationship milestones happen this time of year. If your big plan is to break up with them in the new year, do you both a favor and get it out of the way now. There’s no kind way to do it, but at least you’re not using them.
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Rip Off The Band-Aid
When you’re feeling ambivalent about your relationship, don’t wait until the holidays for it to implode. Take some time now, before festivities begin, to explore what you want and what that means for the future of your relationship. If you’re only staying with them to get through the holidays, it might be time to have a tough conversation. Remember: it’s better to break up now than lead them on and hurt them even more later.
Have you ever stayed with someone to avoid being alone during the holidays? How did things play out? Let us know in the comments!