10 Reasons Why New Year’s Eve Is Supremely Overrated
Want A Cab? Fat Chance
No matter what time it is during the evening’s festivities, getting a cab is like bedding a virgin in her twenties without a marriage proposal: impossible. And if your group is partaking in beverages that evening (which, I mean, you should be), be prepared to fight to the death for your ride to and from your New Years’ event –- all while irresponsibly drunk. Yes, there will be blood.
Everything Is Obnoxiously Expensive
Dinner, drinks, hotel rooms, hookers — you name it — it’ll all be exorbitantly expensive. Since most people don’t want to spend New Year’s at home, retailers, bars, restaurants, and every other business that could possibly profit from New Year’s celebrations will hike up their prices in spectacularly sadistic fashion.
Getting A Drink Is Impossible
On an average bar night, the bartender/patron ratio isn’t so bad, but on New Year’s, this ratio will be ten times worse –- add to that the fact that you’re already at a disadvantage because you’re a dude, and dudes are disrespected in these environments for some reason. As such, when you finally get addressed, you’re going to order more drinks than you need to avoid the co-ed mosh pit taking place in front of the bar. This decision will lead to my next point.
You’ll Get Drunk, Probably Too Drunk
Because of the crowds, the lengths you’ve gone to get a drink, and the obnoxious drunks in close proximity to you, you’re going to drink your face off just to get on their level. However, getting this drunk can lead to many things, none of which are pleasant, such as: puking, a possible arrest, bedding an ex, or a 48-hour hangover. All great ways to start the new year.
Resolutions Are Bogus
Because it’s the new year, our current selves have been deemed not good enough, and we’ll set unoriginal resolutions for ourselves. Sure, some of us will give the weight loss thing a shot, but we’re all just setting ourselves up for failure. By February we’ll be back in that Burger King drive-thru grabbing a post-lunch/pre-dinner Whopper with cheese.
Deciding What To Do Is A Pain In The Ass
Would you rather go to the crowded house party where the bathroom only tends to pukers who’ve locked themselves in, or the expensive dining hall with watered down alcohol, below average food, and miserable employees who’d rather be anywhere but at work? It’s a lose-lose situation because all options are a crapshoot.
You’re Spending Money You Don’t Have
Christmas just passed, and not even a week later, you’re expected to spend another insurmountable amount of cash on an expensive evening that will be decent, at best.
New Year’s Is Not For Singles
Not even Valentine’s Day makes you feel as single as you do on New Year’s, as the streamers are shooting through the room and you’re taking a drink of Jack & Coke while everybody else attacks each other’s faces and genitals.
Everything Is Just Too Busy
Do you and your buddies grab a pre-cab shwarma or burrito to avoid making a grilled cheese at home while drunk and subsequently burning the house down? Well, you’re probably not going to do that on New Year’s. These usually quaint establishments will be packed, and you’ll ultimately choose to go home in a cab (if you get one, that is) and try ordering a pizza (which, by the time it arrives, you’ll be passed out).
Your Buddy’s Going To Puke, You Just Know It
There’s always the one guy in your group who goes a little overboard at the pre-drink and is completely smashed when you reach your destination. You will have to keep this friend from bouncers, police, and the bar, and instead of hitting on some lovely, scantily clad singles, you’ll be escorting him to the bathroom so he can paint the toilet in whatever meals he’s had that day.
More anti-social encouragement: 10 Better Alternatives To Going Out On New Year’s Eve