The 11 Worst Fan Bases On Earth
Around 2010, fans of that swag-obsessed Canadian tool bag we lovingly call Justin started calling themselves Beliebers. Beliebers are generally preteen girls who live in the suburbs and would probably join ISIS if it meant killing all non-Beliebers. They’ve been caught on camera bawling over Bieber’s mere existence, making tribute videos to him and even attacking Mark Wahlberg’s wife for not being a true Belieber. They are basically religious fundamentalists who want to squash the infidels, and we should probably start calling them domestic terrorists at this point.
The good news is Twihards are slowly dying out. Robert Pattinson is done with both the “Twilight” films and that dirty ne’er-do-well Kristin Stewart, so we can comfortably say the fandom will go extinct by 2020. Crack the champagne.
PewDiePie is a YouTube vlogger who plays video games in real time and comments on them. He has received more than nine billion views and has a net worth of $12 million. If that wasn’t sufficiently infuriating, PewDiePie says “bro” a lot and speaks in a Swedish accent that makes you want to claw out your eyes (not that Swedish accents are particularly annoying, just PewDiePie’s in particular).
Remember when Kim Jong Il died and North Koreans went batty and cried a river over it? Well, the Sasaengs, a subculture of psychotically obsessed fans of Korean pop stars, exhibit similar levels of hysteria constantly. They’ve kidnapped pop idols, stalked them by hiding out inside their homes and even sent love letters written in menstrual blood to them. On a side note, I once lived with an Asian girl who would shriek uncontrollably whenever her favorite Korean celebrity would appear on TV. I suspect she was a Sasaeng as well. I’m glad I made it out alive.
If there’s one way to guarantee yourself unemployment, it’s to paint your face like a clown and listen to the Insane Clown Posse. Yes, the Juggalos aren’t the brightest bananas in the bunch, but they do make us giggle with their silly antics. I do not claim to understand them; I only want to know why.
Radiohead fans have a reputation to be music Nazis who think their band is better than your band because their band is better than all bands (counterarguments be damned). If you have any wisp of criticism for Radiohead, they will tell you you’re wrong because you’re not sophisticated and brooding enough to understand Thom York’s brilliance. They think they’re interesting, but it’s been proven Radiohead fans are boring. Science.
Every season it seems like there is at least one shooting, two stabbings and three bathroom births that occur within Oakland Coliseum. No one knows why Raider Nation is comprised of such barbarians, but the general feeling is that it has something to do with living in Oakland.
Westboro Baptist Church
This pious group of intolerant bastards are notorious for being just that. No one really likes them because they don’t like anybody else, but they keep popping up out of nowhere to cause a ruckus. They’ve been documented telling gays that Jesus disapproves of their lifestyle (in harsher terms), saying Jews are only Jewish if they’re Christian (which doesn’t make a lot of sense) and that Obama is Satan incarnate.
Columbiners are fans (mostly female) of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the Columbine killers. They’re based on Tumblr, and they should be spayed and neutered immediately. I’ll leave it up to Vice to dig deeper, because I’m already getting angry.
NAMBLA is the ultimate fandom for old men who are fans of young boys. It was believed that NAMBLA went defunct because of Chris Hansen’s eradication of them on his show, but he missed a few. They are still active.
As mentioned when this list first started, fans of ISIS are almost as bad as Beliebers. And that’s saying a lot.