As much fun as it is for you to stay at a hotel, it means someone else is responsible for cleaning for you. For most of us that means making the bed and maybe restocking the toilet paper, but for others, it’s much worse. A Reddit thread of maids and hotel workers opened where they discussed the most horrifying things they’ve ever seen. And yes, there’s poop involved.
1. The Body
So it was checkout day for this room, and if the guest haven’t come to the front desk by 11:30 a.m. (checkout is 11 a.m.), then we call the rooms. This particular room didn’t pick up the phone when we called from the front desk which isn’t that unusual as sometimes people just leave the hotel without checking out.
Anyway my friend (the houseman) goes up to check that the room is clear/empty, but he can’t open the room with his master swipe key, it was dead bolted from the inside. So we get the all clear from management to open the door and get maintenance to open it with their override keys. The houseman walks in to find the woman still in bed asleep! He says, “Ma’am, it’s time to wake up,” and touches her leg. Stone cold, rigor mortis.
2. Walter White
A guest stayed for 3 nights and had set up a mobile meth lab in the room. It was crazy because we had complaints from guests saying they had horrible headaches, as well as the whole staff. Anyway, we turned his information into the local PD but I’m sure it was useless. He had a North Dakota State ID, a Minnesota drivers license and Canadian license plates.
3. The Drinker
Front desk here. We have had many, many shenanigans happen. A very nice businessman with a briefcase checked into a room, really a very nice person. Didn’t hear much from him all night other than him asking where the liquor store was. Upon morning, he had checked out and left without talking to the desk (not uncommon). When the maid went in to clean the room she found quite the surprise.
Apparently this man had a mild case of alcoholism, he had bought two bottles of booze and proceeded to drink it all, as well as spill some onto the phone, puke all over and, the worst – shit. Shit everywhere. In the bed, on the floor, in the tub, on the shower curtain, all over the toilet, and tried to “clean” his mess up with all the towels.
Needless to say, we have his name hanging up on the list of people who cannot rent a room.
4. Theme Rooms
I used to work as a housekeeper in a hotel with themed “fantasuites.” We had an underwater room, an igloo room, even a space-themed room with a spaceship bed. This particular room was the jungle-themed room, complete with a king-size swinging bed. We always knock a few times and announce we’re entering through an open crack in the door, but I suppose the occupants of the room couldn’t hear me over their sexy-times. I know walking in on people having sex is maybe more common of the “weirdest or most disgusting,” but these two happened to be around 500 pounds each. Slow-motion, swinging, sweaty, loud, gelatinous pounding. They didn’t see me walk in, but I still yelled out “Sorry” unnecessarily and awkwardly loud and slammed the door.
5. The Discovery
While working the desk one morning, a housekeeper came up to the front desk, pale as all hell, shaking, saying we needed to call the police. Apparently, a young woman checked in around 2 a.m. the night before, and performed (or attempted to perform) a self-abortion. There was blood all over the bed, carpet, chair, walls, door, bathtub. Looked like a murder scene. We originally thought that’s what happened, but the investigation revealed what actually happened. Horrific.
6. The French Canadian
I worked in room service for a few years, I served a 50-60-year-old French Canadian dude who was in nothing but short shorts with a 18-ish-year-old Asian boy in full scuba gear on the bed.
7. The Frac Crew
I don’t know if you guys know, but a frac crew is a large group of men (sometimes women, but not many) – between 20 and 50 guys – and they vary in age from 18 to their mid-50s. The crew decided that for some reason, this was the perfect night to get absolutely hammered drunk, and fuck up some shit. They had multiple complaints, and when the front desk staff finally sent up the cops to start kicking asses out, they discovered that the large and very inebriated group had decided that they wanted to party together, but the single room was too small. So they had smashed the wall out between 2 rooms. I’m assuming that those who participated no longer had careers as frackers with that particular company.
8. That’s Not A Murder
One housekeeping story I always remember was when I was coming off shift one morning. After covering a few extra hours for the day-shift, one of the new housekeepers ran to the desk and said someone was being attacked on the 3rd floor. So I grabbed my manager’s keys and headed upstairs and was barely off the elevator when I heard what was very much NOT someone being attacked.
She was screaming her head off though and he sounded like he was obliging her repeated requests for “harder, harder” a few guests were standing around the hallways listening. Most found it funny but I radioed the front desk to “accidentally” give the room a wake-up call to settle them down.
Poor housekeeper was sitting in back shaking because she thought someone was being murdered in their room.
9. The Bachelor Party
A stag party (bachelor party) was staying in the hotel I work in, and they got ridiculously drunk one night before retiring to their rooms. The next day after they’d checked out, we went in to their room only to be greeted by the foulest smell I’ve ever experienced. Upon entering, we discovered that the two guys sharing one room had not only vomited, but had shit EVERYWHERE in this room. All over the beds, the floor, in the bin … some of it was even smeared up the walls. I can only imagine that they were so intoxicated that they lost all control of their bodily functions. No wonder they checked out so hastily. In conclusion, that room had to be completely refurbished – new beds, new carpet, new paint on the walls. It was weeks before it was usable again. Needless to say the culprits were contacted and made to pay the cost of damages as they’d obviously tried to escape without blame.
10. The Nursing Home
Laundry assistant/housekeeper for a nursing home here. Walked in on a couple residents masturbating throughout the years. This year I walked into the room of one of our nastier residents and found him with his pants down and he had fucking maggots crawling all over his junk. Apparently he’d refused a shower for several weeks, if not longer. He’s been sent to another facility.
11. Keep Working
Not me, but a friend.
He worked maintenance and got a call to fix a broken door latch. As he approached the room, a 13-year-old girl comes storming out, yelling at her parents that she “wasn’t watching this again.” Girl lets my friend in the room, then shit gets real.
The girl’s mom and dad are 250 and 300 pounds, respectively. Friend says he’s there to work on the door. Both parents are laying underneath the covers in bed, which is nothing that odd. They tell my friend to get to work, and as he starts pulling out his tools, both parents get out of bed, they’re completely naked and proceed to start f**king doggy style on the end of the bed.
My friend says he’ll just come back, the dad SCREAMS for him to keep working as he loudly plows his wife. Friend can hardly work because he’s so shaken up. He never looks back, except for one time on his way out the door, when he sees that the dad was so fat, he laid his belly up on top of his wife’s back, and had a chocolate milk in his hand.
12. The DVD Player
I was a front desk worker who had to go to rooms after everyone else left. So this old guy who just checked in with his old leather bag wife called up and said something along the lines of: “Hey we were told that you could hook up a DVD player and its not working. You had better fix it.” So I went up there and there he was shirtless wearing short-shorts and his wife is obviously topless with a sheet covering while smoking and pouring vodka into wine glasses. So nervously I attach the DVD player aaaaaaaand its a porno dvd already going. Husband says “thank you” over-eagerly while touching my shoulder. To make it worse, I heard the old leather bag say, “I wonder what time his shift ends, maybe we could invite him.” I ran all the way back to the front counter and wouldn’t go near that room until they left.
13. Mom and Dad
My mom worked in her family’s boarding house in the early 1950s. She went up to clean a room that had been inhabited by a few recently discharged servicemen.
One of the guys apparently snored so loudly that to get revenge, his buddies left without waking him. My mom went up and threw back the covers to find the offending snorer, buck naked and sound asleep. She screamed, he woke up, and in his words “fell in love with her that very moment.” And that’s how my dad met my mom.
They had to date on the sly because her parents didn’t take too kindly to their 16-year-old daughter finding a naked man up in one of the rooms. So … my dad’s buddy (my “Uncle” Pat) would pick my mom up for a “date,” take her to my dad, they would then go on a date, and then Uncle Pat would meet up with them and take my mom home. This lasted until SOMEBODY got SOMEBODY preggers.
TL:DR: My mom finds my dad naked in room, marries him.
14. Floating Porn
Another good one was what could only be assumed was a bachelorette party that left me a bit of an, erm, gift. An intricate, free floating web of yarn intertwined with at least a full deck of playing cards featuring 1970’s porn stars hung (no pun intended) majestically from where the curtains once were. The worst part was that my supervisor made me take it to the lost and found, where I was forced to come up with a description of the item. I went with “hanging pornography mobile,” while blushing and giggling hysterically.
15. Room Service
Not a maid but I was once taking room service up to a couple. They took ages to answer the door, and when it finally opened I was greeted by a man wearing only a pair of boxers which didn’t do a very good job of hiding his huge erection. The worst part was the room smelled strongly of shit and the woman was eyeballing me the whole time i was unloading my tray. PSA: If you’ve ordered room service have the courtesy to appear decent when it arrives at the door. Coming into someone’s room is awkward enough already for me, try not to make it worse.
