Britney Spears’ Music Scares Somali Pirates

In addition to helping gay men get turned up at parades, Britney Spears' music is also an effective tool in making Somali pirates paddle their inflatable rafts away as fast as they can. Metro UK reports:

Spears’s chart-toppers Oops! I Did It Again and Baby One More Time have proved to be the most effective at keeping the bandits at bay. Second Officer Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, said: ‘Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. ‘These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.’ Ships in the region are in constant danger from gun-toting pirates boarding and kidnapping crews for multi-million-pound ransoms. In 2011, there were 176 attacks on ships by gangs of bandits off the Horn of Africa. They are such a threat the Royal Navy has 1,500 sailors on 14 warships operating round-the-clock patrols in the area.Ms Owens, who regularly guides huge tankers through the waters, said the ship’s speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew. ‘It’s so effective the ship’s security rarely needs to resort to firing guns,’ said the 34-year-old, from Gartmore, near Aberfoyle, Stirling. ‘As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can.’ Steven Jones, of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry, said: ‘Pirates will go to any lengths to avoid or try to overcome the music.’ He added: I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.’

If they wanted to make Somali pirates shoot themselves in the face, they should have played some Katy Perry, but instead, they want to Somali pirates to bedazzle their AK-47s. They should just crop dust the Horn of Africa with weed smoke and printouts of these. "Bro, that ship is, like, way far away, man," a Somali pirate would later go on to say.