Amber Heard Is Committed To This Whole Lesbian Thing

I’m not here to tell anyone how to do their job, but if the gays truly want equality like they claim, they should stop with the whole Perez Hilton and Chaz Bono thing. They should also stop having parades where dudes in bedazzled hot pants and cop hats blow each other. Nobody wants to see that. Instead, just right click on these pictures of Amber Heard and her girlfriend making out, select “Save As”, print twenty billion off, then rent a plane and drop them from the sky all over America. But do it like an hour before some gay bill has to be voted on or something. Because if you want it to pass, you want to make sure that while you’re at the polls, everybody else is masturbating.

Note: Gays, I would like my consulting fee in small, unmarked bills. And stop charging me $40 for a haircut. Who am I, Rapunzel? It takes like five minutes.


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