I know I talk a lot about how much I want to explore Megan Fox and Kate Upton‘s vaginas like an explorer discovering a new world, but in a Quantum Leap episode where that would actually happen, I realize that I would have to hold a conversation with them at some point. And that’s not something I’m particularly interested in. My penis just called me a fag, but Sophia Bush makes an appearance on here when I’m reminded how fucking cute and adorable she is. We could go on a picnic and she could twirl her hair while I open a bottle of wine. We could talk about our past experiences and our common interests. We could discuss or dreams and our beliefs. We could inch our hands closer together until our eyes meet. Then, you know, I’d lick her vagina. Let’s not forget the part where I lick her vagina.
Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.