Yeah, So They’re Married Now

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Further proof that all women really want in a man they marry is power, status, and money, women the world over watched a bald figure head with no actual power marry some painfully plain chick because all women think they’re princesses because they played dress up and watched a lot of Disney movies. When in reality, this dude might as well be a newsie or a chimney sweep or something else that’s archaic and really doesn’t need to exist. Sure, Kate Middleton is now a long-distance relative of Jack The Ripper and had the lavish wedding that every chick has been dreaming about since she was born, but the trade off is now the imperialist redcoats are going to invade her uterus like Indonesia and force her to breed more of these pompous assholes to play Polo while Parliament runs the country. But for Kate’s sake, I’d hold off as long as I could to have kids. You know, because it’s better to make it to at least 45 years old before you die in a suspicious car accident.