Mark Sanchez Is Great At Making Life Decisions

Although he makes Jess’ dead and dormant vagina tingle, doctors will soon be asking if New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez if his legs tingle, because he apparently is trying to bang Hayden Panettiere. The same Hayden Panettiere who is currently dating this guy, 6’6″ former heavyweight champion and Russian, Wladimir Klitschko. Again, she’s dating this guy. What could go wrong? Page Six reports:

Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez really seems to be fond of alluring Hayden Panettiere. The two were spotted Wednesday night at Beacher’s Madhouse in LA, where they shared cocktails and whispered to each other. A witness said, “They were clearly trying to hide their affection. They used their friends as a buffer, but it didn’t work so well.” Panettiere was also seen chatting away with Sanchez at a party in LA in February, and the two partied together with other friends in Vegas two weeks ago….Panettiere is currently in a long-distance relationship with giant Ukrainian heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko, and sources insist she’s “just friends” with Sanchez..

This story might not be true because Hayden is over 18, but if it is, Sanchez might want to throw acid in his face and leave the country so nobody will ever be able to recognize him. Because if he doesn’t, I’m pretty sure Klitschko will wear a necklace made out of his spine and fingers while he buttfucks Hayden Panettiere and makes Sanchez watch as his life slowly leaves his body. Or something like that.

The body that launched Mark Sanchez’s vertebrae:


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