Elisha Cuthbert Is Different

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There was a time when I would have shot a litter of pound puppies in the face to lick Elisha Cuthbert’s ass, but that time was ten minutes ago. I don’t want to say she’s put on weight, but no, wait, yes I do. You probably can’t see it, but the bucket of chicken tied to her leg is there just in case. She had to wait an hour to get in the water after the last bucket, you know.