Kelly Brook and Billy Zane Broke Up

For four years mankind has struggled to understand how Billy Zane managed to convince Kelly Brook to bang him. It appears the roofies have finally worn off. The Sun reports:

Kelly, 28, has been thinking over her life since dad Ken died last November – and decided she was too young to wed 42-year-old Billy…A source said: “After much soul-searching, Kelly decided that Billy is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement. “The split is completely amicable and the decision was made after long conversations here and in the US. They remain good friends.”…A pal of the actor said: “He was concerned that Kelly was reluctant to name a day for the wedding, but understood she was having a hard time. “Things haven’t been the same for a while but he never suspected they were going to split up for good. “Nobody else is involved, but letting Kelly slip through his fingers is hurting him badly.”

I’m not gonna lie, God could tell me that in five minutes Jesus is going to ride down on a rainbow with a great battle ax on a giant cyborg horse with lasers for eyes to kill the wicked and when all the wicked have been cleansed from the Earth, Jesus would take me up on a cloud and give me a basket of genie lamps and next week’s winning powerball numbers, and that would still be the second best news I’ve heard today.


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