Trolling #36: The Princess Bride SUCKS!
Some films have moved beyond. They achieve a weird kind popularity that goes beyond popularity. There are films that reach up and out of all of pop culture, and become the guideposts by which the rest of pop culture is steered. They are not merely popular or beloved, they are seminal, essential, untouchable. Rob Reiner's 1987 fantasy film The Princess Bride is one of those movies.
Indeed, The Princess Bride is so well-known, so well-loved, so often quoted and referred to, I feel churlish writing an introduction to it. I went to see the film in theaters way back in 1987, and ever since – and almost immediately – peers and film-lovers the world over have constantly referred to it as one of the central positive forces in cinema. At the time, critics were very positive on the film, and critics to have reviewed it in ensuing years tend to use breathless superlatives like “perfection” or “one of the top films of all time.”
But since this is Trolling, a series devoted to wiping our feet on your heart, we have to ask ourselves if something that is that beloved can really be good. Yes, it's time to tear down the banner of glory that The Princess Bride hoisted all those years ago, and wipe our noses on it. Let's take a look at this overrated bucket of schmaltzy garbage and see it for what it is: a sucky film. Yes, it's time to declare – to your anger and chagrin – that your favorite movie of all time, The Princess Bride, SUCKS. Here are just a few reasons as to why:
Oh sure, the film is bright, charming, and funny. The actors all give it their best, even if their characters aren't very interesting at all (*cough* Buttercup *cough*). There are plenty of laughs to be had. But when you look at it in the right light, The Princess Bride becomes a meandering mess with a boring center, and enough obnoxiousness to put you off your soup.
Until next week, let the hate mail flow.
Witney Seibold is the head film critic for Nerdist, and a contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can read his weekly articles Trolling, and The Series Project, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind.