The Series Project: Witchcraft (Part 4)

Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (dir. Brad Sykes, 2002)

There are scenes in a strip club in Witchcraft XII, and they clearly don’t match the rest of the film. The shots of the strippers were clearly stock footage from a different movie. Judging by the big hair and high-hipped bikini bottoms, I’d say the stock footage was originally shot in 1989. It’s suspicious that none of the strippers are credited.

The pattern begins: An evil blonde (played alternately by Monika Wild, Zenova Braeden, and Tricia Berdot) goes to these strip clubs, easily picks up stupid men, and lures them back to their dingy apartment where they are murdered by a cloaked demon in a mask who shoots red animated lightning out of his eyes. This is Malleus (Joe Myles), an evil demon who wants to do something with Satan I guess. The motivations of the villains are never clear to me. It’s enough that they want blood sacrifices, have magical powers, and often control a bevvy of topless, randy witch chicks.

Like part X, Witchcraft XII seems to have been shot largely in hallways and small office rooms, giving the impression that it was filmed after hours in the cubicles of the film’s accountants. Many scenes also take place in a house somewhere in Santa Monica Canyon. You can read the address, and there’s even a telltale scratch mark on the front door (clearly not made for the purposes of this movie). If you want to find that house, you probably can.

Will Spanner is always touted as a powerful warlock, but, apart from Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death, has never used his warlock powers for anything. In this film, he finally goes for broke, and starts taking elixirs and casting spells and throwing fireballs. The effects are lame, but at least we have some superpowered battles of evil.

If you’re from Santa Monica, you’ll love spotting local landmarks. The evil apartment block is actually the old Cinergi Films office on Broadway and Cloverfield. If you’re a movie fan, then you’ll just have to somnabulantly snore your way through this one.

Worth noting: The appearance of really fake breast implants is on the wane.

One final step, my friends…

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